total anonymity

I spent some time in various airports on my trip to LA and I realized two things. The first is that while I love to travel with Adam (and we really need to do travel together more often) I love being able to go to the airport on my own and have the freedom to get on a plane and fly halfway across the country all by myself. I feel completely independent. There are many other things that I do that are on my own but I think that because I don't travel that often, that it's kind of a luxury.

I also realized that I love the feeling of not knowing anyone. I had a delay in the Denver airport on my way home and while it was inconvenient that I didn't get back until later than anticipated I suddenly had an hour and a half with nothing to do. It was kind of nice. I wandered around, and found the TCBY (I think all airports have one, and there's something about the combination of airports and frozen yogurt that I find wonderful, I make it a goal to get it at least once on every trip). Then I found a seat and read my book, flipped through a magazine, and worked on a Sudoku puzzle. Some people love to strike up conversations in these kinds of situations, but I tend to stay to myself. I don't think I'm necessarily rude, I just don't go out of my way to share my life story with a complete stranger (and honestly I hope they don't feel the need to open up to me). If someone starts a conversation with me I'll politely chat with them, but it's not my goal to make a new best friend in the airport. Part of it is that I'm selfish, I'll admit it. I want to be left alone. But I also relish the few moments, when I don't have to do anything or be anyone other than the young girl in jeans, with a paperback and a Starbucks. Sometimes that's all I need.

last week at this time...

Whenever I get back from trips I play this little game with myself of remembering where I was or what I was doing "last week at this time." I got back from LA late Tuesday night, and as always it was a great trip. Last Sunday Laura, Becca, and I drove to Santa Monica and walked along the beach before going to a Farmer's Market. It was different than the Des Moines Farmer's Market in that it was smaller and it was all food vendors. But there was live music and big grassy area to sit and enjoy the day. We shared roasted corn on the cob, a 3 pound breakfast burrito, and an amazing strawberry-banana crepe. Then we walked through all the booths and Becca got all kinds of fresh food for dinner (including the biggest carrots I've ever seen, purple potatoes, a flat of strawberries)

We also went to a fabulous flea market on Melrose Ave, took a nap, and went to the night service of the girls' church. I love going to churches in different cities and being able to find a community of believers who are going through the same struggles and trials that I am, but worshiping and depending on the same God.

Then, the highlight of the evening was dinner cooked by Becca. She outdid herself starting with sangria (you can't go wrong with 2 buck chuck, a can of lemon lime soda and lots of oranges and strawberries) and a fabulous salad with avocado and strawberries (from the market of course) followed by chicken sauted with wonderful spices and steamed veggies and crusty bread. Laura and I didn't get to help her bake (we were fighting with the directions for an IKEA console) which is one of my favorite things to do with the girls, but just the act of sharing a meal was wonderful and one of the things I miss the most about having the girls close by.

Other highlights of the week included hiking through Runyan Canyon with Becca (we could walk up to the trails from her apt and it's just kind of like a huge park with some great hiking right in the middle of the city), hiking along Zuma Beach (pics to come), seeing the stars up at Big Bear Lake, and of course just sitting around, drinking wine, and getting ready together.

girl time

when i was getting ready to be married, i was excited at the prospect of living with adam, but a part of me was mourning the loss of living with girls. i absolutely loved my girlie roommates from our late night conversations, trashy tv marathons, and family dinners to sharing and borrowing everything from cereal to earrings.

well, i've been married almost two years now, and I love living with Adam. he may not care as much about shoes and makeup as the girls did, but we have a lot of fun together. this weekend i get to revert back to my college days. i'm heading out to LA to visit Becca and Laura. when i tell people what i'm going to be doing, i mention hiking and shopping and seeing the ocean, but really I don't care what we do as long as it's just relaxing girl time. i'm hoping to drink lots of coffee, eat some good food and wine and just enjoy the girls. it's been a while.

rainy sundays

It's been a rainy day and as much as I would have loved to spend the day at the park or playing tennis and going for a walk, there's also something wonderful about curling up on the couch, watching an old movie, taking a nap and reading a book. Adam is less content staying in all day, so he insisted that he wanted to go to Target. So I made him a very detailed list (I need conditioner, concealer, and razors). We'll see how he does, or how many times he calls to ask what I was talking about.

I'm listening to several songs on the new John Mayer CD on repeat (stop this train and the heart of life) it's very soothing music for a rainy day. I'm pumped because John is coming to Des Moines in June and Ben Folds is opening for him. It should be a good show.

dare to dream

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover..."
—Mark Twain

what does this look like for me. What are the things I should be doing right now that I will regret not doing in 20 years? I am so comfortable in Des Moines. I love our condo, the job is fine, life is good. There's nothing wrong with that, but do I want to be comfortable when I'm 24? I want to be challenged and pushed to the limit. Maybe that's crazy, maybe I just need to find ways to spice things up where I am. Maybe I just have spring fever.

the kindness of God

"If I am to know God as He really is, then I must not just accept that God is kind; I must embrace His kindness as my own. I need that kindness to saturate my being and transform me."

I wrote this quote down, and now I can't remember where I read it, so I can't give the author the credit he deserves, but it really struck me. the idea of embracing God's loving kindness as our own. i don't quite know what that looks like, but I know that I want to do a better job of loving myself and other people. Sometimes the loving myself part is almost harder than the loving other people part. I naturally feel selfish if I take too much time for myself, but really, if I'm not taking care of myself and embracing God's love for me, I can't fully love others.

check this out

my love for magazines started with printed magazines that come in the mail every month or that you pick up on the newsstand. anyone who visits our house knows that i love magazines after seeing the stacks of them sitting around the coffee table and through the house. but i am starting to pay more attention to online magazines (especially since Remodel is officially part of the world wide web now) and there are some pretty cool ones out there. I'm not convinced that they will ever take the place of the original paper copies, but I just found this new magazine that is only available online: Sprig.

It is created by some of the former editors of Organic Style (a magazine that was published by Rodale for several years and unfortunately folded about a year ago, just before the green movement got big) Those of you who are designers should appreciate th logo, it's very pretty.

Sprig stands for: Sophisticated People Are Into Green. clever, huh? I'm not quite sure what the purpose of the site is. It seems mostly product driven, but maybe there will be more content in the future.

More and more magazines are taking the plunge into online arenas, and it's interesting to see that some are forgoing print editions all together in favor of online. I love the idea of how much easier (and cheaper) it is to launch a magazine this way, but I don't know if it's really feasible. It's hard enough to be successful as a print publication, and there is so much more competition online (you still have to drive people to your site), but I guess if you can drive people to your site there are so many possibilities for interaction and video and community that maybe it's feasible.

As you can see, I love this stuff. I love it that I am paid to immerse myself in it and see what works and what doesn't and even get to try some things myself.

B Ave

I was back in Cedar Rapids a few weeks ago. I've lived in Des Moines for 6 years, it is truly my home, but Cedar Rapids, and more specifically B Ave NE will always be my home, where I grew up. My parents moved to a new house a year ago, and when I'm home now I still have to ask my mom where things are. I go "home" to see them there, but that will never be my house. I have a room there, but it's really the guest room, and that's fine with me. I'm not there enough to really put my mark on any thing (except for all the memories I can't part with that I insist my mom keep either in that room or the basement).

If Adam and I are driving somewhere when we're in CR I usually ask him to drive by the old house. I can close my eyes and know exactly where we are by the curves in the road. Some of the houses have changed, but there's still the stop sign (by the mailbox) that I remember barely pausing at as I rushed to make it home by curfew, the park around the corner where Adam and I would park his car and makeout before he dropped me off at home, the side street that we would splash in after it rained, and learning the rules of looking both ways before crossing the street so I could go play with Maggie who lived right across the street from us. Those are my childhood memories.

the Cooleys

At church people refer to Adam and I as "the Cooleys." That is who we are, but every time I hear it, I kind of pause and become aware that I'm not a Schmidt anymore. I am used to signing my name as Andrea Cooley and hearing people refer to me as Andrea Cooley, but for some reason it's still funny to hear us referred to as the Cooleys. Maybe it's because I associate that with a family. Obviously we don't have kids yet, but I guess we are a family between the two of us.

des moines highlights

1. Fireworks after Friday night I-Cubs games. Tonight was the first home game and we didn't go (it's still too cold for that) but we could see parts of the fireworks show from our bedroom window.

2. Tulips and daffodils blooming (even after the snow on Wed)

3. Fruit snacks (Adam and I rediscovered them at Target. somehow they are deliciously artificial)

4. Spring weddings (and the cards and gifts they entail) there are a lot of them this spring and I love going to Target to check the registries :)

5. Chinese food. Adam and I had a date night this week at P.F. Changs. Lettuce wraps, crispy honey shrimp, and cashew/almond chicken with plenty of leftovers. yum

6. Days spent in the photo studio. I worked on producing a tile shower set this week that we shot, and I think it turned out really well. You can see it in the Aug/Sept issue of Remodel.

7. Taking a nap on the couch and not feeling guilty about it.

to be a writer

I am a writer. Even if I didn't write for my job I would still be a writer. Sometimes I lose site of the fact that I get to write at work. Like today, a Friday, when I have this story about low-maintenance remodeling products that I've been pushing around all week. Not very exciting, but it's what's on my plate to write about at the moment. I've done the interviews, the research, all that's left is pulling it all together on the page. So I start crafting the lead, and while remodeling products can only be so exciting, I think I found a good one. I didn't finish the story, but it will still be waiting for me Monday, it's my job.

at immersion last night we started a series called "The Office" about how God created us to work and how our attitudes at work need to be positive even if we aren't in our dream job. I was convicted of that today at work. I haven't always had the best attitude about my job, but it really is a good job, a great job. not many people get to sit and craft a lead, write snappy titles, and just generally create and get paid for it. It's definitely something i take for granted.

I am not just a journalist or a magazine writer. I'm also a journaler, a creative writer, a letter writer. My friend Sarah Kay, a writer, says "The role of a writer is to say what we are unable to say." I like that.

Thank you notes

My mom trained me to write thank you notes. I remember after Christmas we always had to have all our thank you notes written before we went back to school. Kyle, Karen, and I would sit at the booth with our lists of grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins to write. I wrote thank you notes after birthdays, graduation, and most impressively more than 100 after our wedding. I've said before that I like writing letters, but there's something about thank you notes, handwritten, not e-mailed, that is very intentional and maybe a little old fashioned. I just read an article in Esquire about someone who decided to write 100 thank you notes in a month. It made him realize how many times a day he said thank you without thinking and how many times people said the same to him: waiters, coworkers, kids, friends, and strangers. interesting.

spring cleaning

Adam and I have officially been homeowners for a year now. That means I have maintained the same address for 365 consecutive days for the first time since high school. I love our condo, and love that we have been able to settle into a home together, but it seems like it's the time of year to move, go through all my stuff and purge the things I don't need. Even though we aren't moving, I feel the need to start emptying closets (which secretly must drive Adam crazy) I can feel a Salvation Army trip on the list of things to do this weekend...

In other news, Adam and I were in Chicago over the weekend to celebrate my birthday (I am now a proud 24 years old, and have decided it's the perfect age, it sounds old enough to be taken seriously, but still young enough to not be taken too seriously). We have been to Chicago a couple times before, but this time we stayed in a great hotel, right downtown on Lakeshore Drive and spent the whole weekend walking around, exploring the city. We both loved it. I loved the Starbucks on every corner and Trader Joes within walking distance and the art museum, and shopping, and energy of it all, and I think Adam was content just walking around and watching all the people. Who knows, maybe we'll be living there in the next few years. We are very comfortable in Des Moines and finally getting connected at our church, and everything is so affordable here, but there is an allure to living in a big city or even just outside the city. Right now we'll pray about it and enjoy this season of life.

snail mail

I love getting letters, handwritten envelopes with pretty stamps and even cuter cards. The only benefit to Becca moving halfway across the country is that we have become pen pals. It seems at least once a week I find a personal letter waiting for me. This hasn't replaced our phone calls or e-mails, but the letters are where we share the little happenings of our day and sometimes open up about things we don't talk about verbally from our dreams to our faith.

Writing letters is something I started as a little girl. I would be pen pals with anyone who was willing to put a pen to paper and write me back from grandmas and camp counselors to kids from other countries. I've said this before, but I usually think I'm a better writer than a speaker. I like to get my thoughts down on paper. And I can't resist cute stationary :) Whenever I'm at a bookstore or coffee shop I can't help but look through the cards and pick one up for someone special. And Adam won't even go down the card aisle at Target with me anymore. I have been known to spend half an hour picking out the perfect card.

cereal party

all the really good expensive cereal like Lucky Charms and Captain Crunch were on sale at the store, 4 for $10, so Adam and I splurged and got 4 boxes of sweet, kid's cereal. Now it's all sitting on our stove because of course we don't have room for it in the cupboards. it makes me want to have a cereal party like i remember having in the dorms. it seems like there would be nights when we would just crave cereal so we would go to the convenience store and buy those bags of cheap cereal. then everyone grabs a spoon, we get a big bowl and start filling it with cereal and milk and everyone digs in. who wants to come?

monday

It’s one of those days at work that is almost eerily quiet. My boss Eliot is gone, along with his boss Linda, so not only is there no meetings scheduled (a rarity, especially on a Monday) but there really isn’t anyone around to be asking me to do something. Of course there are things for me to work on, but nothing pressing enough to keep me focused for more than 30 minutes at a time. I used to hate these days, I would much rather be busy working on a deadline than sitting catching up on all the things you put off because you don’t want to do them. But I am learning to appreciate them because I know that before the week is through I am bound to be bombarded with phone calls or something that needs to be done right now. Instead of feeling guilty for not being as productive as I’d like to be, I remind myself that I am a salaried employee, and there will be weeks when I might work a little more than 40 hours, but there will also be weeks where I work a little less, and that’s OK.

my Sunday routine

Anyone who has had the pleasure of living with me or who just knows me pretty well knows that I am not the most spontaneous person. I have a routine, a schedule, and I like to stick to it. Take Sundays for example. Now that I don't have to worry about school work this is my favorite day of the week. Adam and I usually have a leisurely morning of breakfast, coffee, and reading the paper (and I always have to look at the Target ad) then we go to church at 11, maybe run some errands and come home to take a nap. Then I start the laundry, catch up on e-mail and phone calls, go to the gym, and fold the clothes while watching the Apprentice. I know it's good to switch things up sometimes, live on the wild side, but there is something so comforting about a good routine.

Happy belated St. Patrick's day. I didn't go to the parade because we woke up to a blanket of SNOW on everything. I looked out the window from bed and saw the fat, white flakes falling and thought, oh, it's just snowing a little. But when I got out of bed and looked outside everything was covered. It's all melted now and back in the 50s, so hopefully that's all the snow we get this month. I remember last year that it snowed on my birthday though...

it's been awhile...

Adam is out with a friend tonight and I am enjoying a night to myself at home. Rather than rushing to check things off my list (do a load of laundry, go to the gym, iron) I'm sitting on the couch with my laptop, listening to the latest John Mayer CD and catching up with my life. Sometimes I feel like I have to give myself permission to not be productive. In reality I'm still getting things done. I'm catching up on friend's blogs, I'm writing e-mails, reading a magazine, writing a letter.

Some of you have commented that I haven't posted lately and there are lots of reasons. But I think the main one is that as much as I love to read other people's blogs, look at their pictures, get a look at what's going on in their lives, I am an editor at heart and I edit the things I post here (I'm doing it right now, re-reading the words I've typed and making small changes). I tell myself I have to have something worthwhile to say and even worry what people might think about things I post. In a way I get writer's block for blogging. The funny thing is that part of my job is now blogging about new building and remodeling products on the Better Homes and Gardens website (but this is so much more fun than writing about the newest faucet or countertop material)

anyway, here are the random things that are on my mind and going on in Des Moines:
Spring is less than 2 weeks away (along with my birthday) and I can't wait to wear skirts, sandals, and eat lunch outside
My parents and sister came to visit last weekend (and stayed with us for the first time) and my dad made the comment that it's been almost 2 years since I graduated. I haven't been able to stop thinking about that, and thinking that 2 years feels like a long time, but also realizing that I am used to not being a student anymore and I don't count the months that I've been in my job wondering when it's been an appropriate amount of time so I can look for a new job (that's a big milestone)
Adam got me a cute little white macbook computer for Valentine's Day, which was almost a month ago, yet I'm sitting here typing on my old trusty powerbook. He keeps asking me when he can transfer everything over, but I keep putting it off. Even as I get frustrated about how long it takes to load up a website or how it periodically freezes up when i'm in the middle of something. How many hours have i spent with this on my lap mapping out my life? I know I have to get rid of it (let him sell it on ebay) but this was my first mac, the one that Laura helped me search for and wouldn't let me take out of the box 'til i got my homework done, the one i dropped a hot iron on and it survived (with only a small dent on the lid)
I have to put in a plug for the website Sam (my coworker) and I have been working so hard on for Remodel magazine. It is launching tomorrow (fingers crossed) and if you check it out we get points (or something like that) If you aren't remodeling it may not have much for you (no embarrassing pictures of me yet) but take a look at what I do every day: www.remodelingcenter.com.
And finally I am reading the new Philip Yancy book on Prayer, and have to share this idea: When we pray we get the direction wrong. usually we start with our concerns, bringing them to God, telling him as if he didn't already know them. But if we turn this around and realize that God already cares about our concerns even more than i do "Grace like water descends to teh lowest part. Streams of mercy flow. I begin with God, who bears primary responsibility for what happen on earth and ask what part i can play in God's work on earth."

BRRRRR!

When the person on the radio said it was 22 BELOW this morning, I waited for them to laugh and say they were joking...but they weren't lying. It really was 22 BELOW ZERO this morning with windchill. It makes the sun just seem like a cruel taunt to come out side and bask in its glory when really, if you did that you would DIE from FROSTBITE (can you tell that I'm a little bitter about the weather?) I'm going to Orlando next week for work and while they are complaining of 50 degree temperatures, right now that sounds like paradise. I did see my first "sun dog" this morning (look it up, it's for real) Eliot, my boss informed me and my coworker Sam that it's a rainbow of ice crystals that form around the sun when it's this cold out. I love a good rainbow, but I'll take mine after a thunderstorm thank you very much.

a wonderful dilema

i have just finished reading a book, a fluffy novel telling the story of an Italian girl and her family growing up in a milltown on the East Coast in the 1920s. now i have the dilema of choosing what to read next. only a true reader understands this quandry. when you finish a good book there is a feeling of satisfaction like drinking a really good cup of coffee or enjoying a pefectly moist and dense brownie. it's wonderful, but at the same time it's over and even if you have a stack of good books in front of you, it takes a little while to get into another story, introduce yourself to a new set of characters and immerse yourself in their life's story. so here i am sitting in front of my bookshelf, weighing my options between the Grapes of Wrath, which i know will be wonderful, but it seems a little daunting, a Jodi Picoult novel, equally wonderful, but much lighter, and an assortment of other novels. what will it be? in the end there isn't a wrong choice, but there are certain moods for books, so which one is best for the end of January?

technology

I am sitting on the floor of our second bedroom, fiddling with a pair of rabbit ears (Adam insisted on putting tin foil on them, but I don't think they really help) trying to get a clear signal to watch the Bears game. It's so frustrating to get such fuzzy reception when we're used to crystal clear digital images. But I also realize how spoiled we are to not have to deal with these funny looking antennas on a regular basis. You ask why we are resorting to an antenna? Well, it seems Mediacom, our local cable provider is in some kind of feud with FOX so we don't get that channel anymore. I'm not a diehard football fan, but I was raised on Sunday afternoon Chicago Bears games. And according to my brother, the Bears haven't won the superbowl since 1985 so I'm doing my part and supporting da bears.

snow day

Adam and I have declared it a Sunday snow day. It started snowing late last night and by this morning we had 4 or 5 inches. I'm sure we could have made it to church, but it's so much more fun to stay home and make pancakes, drink coffee, and watch cars try to navigate the roads. Does anyone else find pleasure in looking out their windows and watching cars spin up the hill or trying to get out of the mound of snow the plow left in front of their driveway or is it just us? Our next mission is to track down someone with a sled (I think Bo is our best bet) and bundle up to go sledding. I'm not sure if we'll actually be that ambitious, but it sounds good.

It started snowing last night and before I went to bed I lay on the couch looking out the window at the gray sky that seemed to glow as it released its flakes onto the world below. There's something so perfect about snow falling. I love how it muffles the rest of the world and covers up all our dirt and grime. When I was a kid I hated it when the mailman or paperboy trekked across our front yard. I loved the perfection of the smooth layer of snow over the otherwise gray yard.

I'm listening to Norah Jones. Her voice reminds me of rainy days and watching it snow outside. I can't wait for her new CD to come out the end of the month.

more to come, i promise...

Happy New Year

It's that time of year to make new beginnings and reflect on the old year. This is my version of a Christmas letter.

Here I go with a little game I like to call High/Low

Highs of 2006:
Adam and I bought our first house in March. It is a condo in Des Moines, really close to downtown where we work, and it has been great to get it furnished and decorated and make it feel like home. We've been in it 9 months (which is a record for me to be at one address) but it feels like we've been here a lot longer.

The Drake Relays. I think the last weekend in April will always be reunion time in Des Moines. Laura was in from LA and Lynn was back from the Virgin Islands for a much needed girl weekend.

Weekend in Chicago, visiting friends and watching the Cubs beat the Cardinals :)

Week at Lake Okoboji with the Schmidts. Adam got to experience my childhood vacation spot and we celebrated our one-year anniversary. I also played my first 9 holes of golf.

Throughout the year we have started meeting more couples at church and have finally found our niche in ministry there. We help with the set up and tear down of one of the services and will be leading a Bible study this winter.

Visiting Laura in LA for Labor Day weekend. 4 glorious days consisting of shoe shopping, coffee, red wine, champagne, movie sets, ocean views, and of course, the HOLLYWOOD BOWL: Countdown of the top 50 musicals of all time.

Adam and I had all kinds of fun this fall going to an apple orchard, drinking cider, and going to a costume party.

I started leading a creative writing workshop at the women's prison with a friend from college. Once a week we go write with a group of 10-12 women for an hour and a half. It has been so rewarding.

We spent a weekend in Minneapolis/St. Paul Christmas shopping and enjoying the sites with our friends Jim and Allison.

Thanksgiving and Christmas were both spent with family and loved ones. We are blessed to be close enough to drive home and see both of our families.

And for Lows,
I really only have one, and it's a selfish one, but it must be noted that my dear friend (and co-worker) Becca moved to LA to take a fabulous job at Bon Appetit magazine. It was an opportunity she couldn't pass up, but I miss her dearly. I always knew she was wonderful (who else slaves over birthday cakes, will go on walks with you any time, and always have time to take a lunch break when you're having a hard day at work?) but it's only that more apparent now that she's not here. But she was back in town over the holidays, and I'm confident that in two years she'll be back in Des Moines...


God only knows what this next year has in store for us.

Christmas with the Cooleys

Adam and I put up the tree this weekend. I was like a kid in a toy store discovering all the things I forgot we had. I think my favorite is the nativity scene.




And you can't get in the Christmas spirit without a big dose of sugar! I had some friends over and we made and army of gingerbread cookies and sugar cookies. Yum!

thanksgiving weekend

Adam and I had a busy weekend traveling to see family in Missouri, Illinois and Eastern Iowa. 700 miles later we're home and have eaten as much pie and turkey as possible. Friday was Adam's birthday, but since we knew we'd be out of town we started celebrating Tuesday night in the spirit of a birthday "week"



Thanksgiving day we were in rural Missouri visiting all of my mom's family. I remain a city girl at heart, but with sunsets like this (and close to 70 degrees in November) I'll take an occasional day in the country.





I love hanging out with Karen. She plays skipbo with me to my heart's content and watches endless episodes of Gilmore Girls, who could ask for anything else?

i love books

I was in a local bookstore recently, one of those small corner bookstores, with comfy couches, a coffee pot in the corner and the owner walking around talking to customers, kind of like the bookstore Meg Ryan owned in You've Got Mail. Anyway, this quote was painted on the wall and I had to copy it down I liked it so much:
"Just the knowledge that a good book is awaiting one at the end of a long day makes that day happier."
Kathleen Norris

hula dancers

Adam and I went to a Halloween party last weekend dressed in souveniers from our honeymoon in Kauai. I am convinced that adults enjoy this celebration more than kids. We don't even need the incentive of candy to dress up and do crazy things. It just seems we want an excuse to be someone other than ourselves for a night.

caffeine free

I haven't had coffee since Friday morning. This wasn't really a deliberate choice, I just wanted to see if I could get by without it. I do get a little tired and crabby mid morning, and I'm definitely not considering giving up my favorite reason for getting out of bed in the morning during the week, but I thought I'd try it for a weekend. I haven't been completely caffeine free though. Adam tries to not drink soda during the week but on the weekends he will drink it, so I've swiped a few swigs of his carbonated beverages this weekend to tide me over. It's definitely not the same as coffee though. That goes straight to my veins and perks me up anytime. And I keep reading that it has some kind of cancer fighting powers, so it can't be all bad, right?

there's something about this time of year, when it's just starting to get cold out that makes me want coffee or something warm to drink all the time. In the last week I probably stopped and bought coffee sometime during the day 3 times. Usually I'm really good about making my coffee at home, loading it up with my favorite flavored creamer and filling up my travel mug. I feel like that justifies my coffee intake because it's cheaper than $3 a cup. I can't believe how much people are willing to fork over for a good latte. I mean i like that professionally frothed milk as much as the next person, but for $3 a day I would much rather go shoe shopping :)

the bridges of madison county

I still haven't figured out why there are covered bridges in the heart of Iowa, or anywhere for that matter, but I decided no matter the reason, they are romantic. It was the annual covered bridge festival this weekend so Adam and I went to check out the excitement with our friends Kelsey and Ben. We decided that Winterset is one of those hidden gems in Iowa. We wandered around the city square eating candy apples, pulled pork sandwiches and hot apple cider, listening to local quartets serenade the sunny autumn afternoon. We even sat down for a slice of apple pie ala mode at the cafe Clint Eastwood and Meryl Streep made famous in the movie, Bridges of Madison County. I can't imagine a better way to spend an afternoon. All through college my roommate Lynn raved about this festival and somehow I never made it with her, but now I understand her enchantment with it all. I'm sure there are festivals like this across the country. And even though I will always be a city girl at heart, I can still appreciate a little small town fun.



(and for those of you wondering about my new hair color, this is it, what do you think?)

Freedom

What is freedom?
maybe you can't understand it until it's taken away
we talk about freedom to choose
freedom to vote
freedom of speech
freedom of religion
but none of these freedoms mean anything if you don't practice them, appreciate them, value them

Freedom to drive a car
Freedom to have children
Freedom to walk in the sunshine

Do I even know the freedoms I have?
Freedom is intangible
you can't put a price tag on it,
but then how do you get it?
Can you earn it? buy it? deserve it? find it?
Or is it illusive like a shooting star, impossible to grasp, priceless.

Some freedom is inherent
it's a choice—to love, to believe,
Some freedom is personal
Some is political

We have no control over it,
or do we?
Someone has control over it, but who?
What freedom do you have?

apple picking

Adam and I found an apple orchard north of Des Moines and had a great time picking apples and going on a hayrack ride. Now we have more apples than we know what to do with. I'll be making apple pie, apple bread, apple crisp, apple muffins...for weeks.

I believe

I believe in second chances, mercy, and forgiveness.
I believe in true love and high school sweethearts.
I believe in hard work.
I believe in sunrises and sunsets—new beginnings every morning and a quiet end to an otherwise crazy day.
I believe in God—the one who created everything, but still has time to love me.
I believe in the power of family to carry you through any situation.
I believe in good wine, dark chocolate, and coffee.
I believe in loving your neighbor, turning the other cheek, and listening before jumping to conclusions.
I believe in myself.
I believe in freedom—freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom to education, and freedom to live in peace.
I believe I am entitled to my own opinion, that I can make my own choices, but once those choices are made, I am responsible for the consequences.
I believe you get out of life what you put into it.
I believe in angels and things unseen.
I believe in the power of prayer and miracles and dreams.
I believe in heaven and peace on earth, not just at Christmas time.
I believe in random acts of kindness and true beauty.
I believe.
I believe.

little joys

when all is said and done it's usually the little things that make my day. Like:
how easy it is to buy a cd on itunes. Talk about instant gratification. My most recent puchase is Toby Lightman's new release.
lunch dates with my husband
the satisfaction of a good workout after a full day of work
new magazines in the mail. i just got the new Radiant and can't wait to dig into it.
long phone calls with far away friends

what makes your day?

monarch butterflies, buckeyes, and candy corn

These are the signs of fall in iowa.
Monarch butterflies do some kind of migrating in at the end of the summer. I had a professor at Drake who was a little obsessed with monarchs. In one of his classes he would periodically let us go find a place outside to just sit and wait to see butterflies, i miss those days. So now every time i see a butterfly, especially in Sept I can't help but smile.

Buckeyes are those quirky little nutty things that seem to magically fall out of the trees right before the leaves start to turn. Adam and I were on a walk yesterday afternoon and I spotted one of the casings they come in. Before he could stop me I was filling the pouch of my sweatshirt with the notty little eyes. i think they will make a wonderful centerpiece.

And candy corn. I guess it's been out in stores for awhile, but I bought a bag yesterday. There's something about the sickeningly sweet kernels that only taste good for about a month. My roommates and i used to go through bags of them in Sept and Oct gorging ourselves on the sweet and salty combination of candy and peanuts.

happy fall

so true

There's no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard
And no song that I could sing but I can try for your heart
And our dreams and they are made out of real things
Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia-toned loving
Love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here? And where do we go? And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together

It's always better when we're together
We'll look at the stars when we're together
It's always better when we're together
It's always better when we're together

Jack Johnson, Better Together

I've always loved Jack (yes, we're on a first name basis) but I usually don't think about the words even though I seem to know them all. But when I saw them typed out they were so real. I ask myself all those questions, as I'm sure most young adults do. Someone told me the other day that our parents must still be keeping secrets from us. There must be some trick to growing up that I just haven't mastered yet, right?

all dressed up in front of Laura's adorable apartment


you have to go shoe shopping when you're in LA :)


it's so sunny in LA they give you umbrellas to block the sun. aren't we cute?


lunch in malibu. how gorgeous

LA Delight

I spent a long weekend in LA visiting who else but Laura Jean. I was out there last September visiting for her first birthday away from Iowa, but this trip was longer and we just got to be girls. I have been telling people about the trip and a lot of people are surprised that Adam didn't go with me (he went to Indianapolis with his dad for some drag races). I tell them that I LOVE the fact that we are married but can still do our own thing when needed. And this weekend proved that I as much as I enjoy being a wife (yes, i am now OK with using the "w" word) I will always be a girlfriend at heart :)

responsibility

when i lived at home i was responsible to keep my room fairly clean and my stuff (interpretted books, bags, shoes, clothes, etc) if not out of sight atleast in an orderly pile. but dishes, vacuuming, cleaning the bathrooms and laundry were taken care of by my mom. they just happened without me realizing it.
Then i get to college, living in the dorms. While i now had to do my own laundry, the bathrooms were cleaned daily and with meals in the cafeteria dirty dishes were wisked away to be cleaned for the next meal. and with no one to tell me to put things away (my roommate had just as much if not more "stuff" than I did) things started piling up until i either took notice or had time to care.
Then I moved into a house full of girls and while we now had to take care of dishes laundry and general cleaning ourselves, if the kitchen was messy or there were shoes, magazines, purses, keys, strewn all over the living room, even if the majority of the stuff was mine it was easy to write off the mess as a joint mess.
now that it's just Adam and I living in a place it's not so easy to walk through the kitchen and see a stack of dishes in the sink or a pile of shoes by the door. I know that if I don't do something about it the said mess will probably still be looking at me tomorrow. This is not to say that Adam doesn't do his fair share of picking things up, but i know that generally half if not more of the mess is most likely mine and if i don't take care of it no one else is going to be picking up behind me. just one more of those realizations that my mom could have tried to tell me but that i couldn't have understood until now.

lakeside perfection

really, does it get any better than this?
Arnold's Park
Lake Okoboji, Iowa

sunset

the end of another day on vacation

the schmidt's

Sisters

Karen (my little sis) is 16. I had so much fun reliving teenage memories with her this week.

vacation

Adam and I spent our one year anniversary and first significant vacation as a married couple at Lake Okoboji this past week. Most of our time was spent in a cabin with my family at my childhood vacation spot. I loved every minute of being on the lake and it was so fun to see Adam fitting in so seamlessly.

I am a water girl at heart, so the sailing, skiing, swimming, jet-skiing, boating, floating, and walking by the water were the perfect vacation.

A lot of people have asked Adam and I how the first year of marriage was and the question is usually followed with the statement: the first year's the hardest. I can honestly say that we had a great year. Admitedly it was a hard year, but not so much because it was our first year of marriage, but because my whole identity seemed to change. I don't think I could have made it through the year without Adam sitting there next to me, holding my hand, and encouraging me with his unconditional love and acceptance of who I am even when I didn't even know who that was.

down time

I know that everyone needs some time to themselves, but I tend to surround myself with people and love being with people I love that when I have a day or an evening to myself I almost get anxious being with myself. I enjoy the time to reflect and do my own thing for an hour or two, but then I start to get a little stir crazy. In the end I know I should just enjoy this time, but part of me feels like I should be doing something (like right now I should be cleaning the bathroom) and then I start feeling guilty for just sitting around. So here's to a quiet night.

summer trips

the happy couple in Chicago

the BEAN! (notice the bride in the background)

Even in the middle of the city nature exists

It's been awhile, but that's because Adam and I have been traveling. Here's some pics from our most recent adventures. We both highly recommend Millenium Park in Chicago and if you're in northwest Iowa, you have to check out our favorite, Lake Okoboji.

our greatest fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are made to make and manifest the glory of God. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Marianne Williamson, from her book A Return to Love

going to prison

on tuesday nights i go to prison
before you start jumping to conclusions, let me explain
when i was a student at Drake i took a community writing class in which the class spent a semester going to a nearby women's prison and writing with the inmates. it was an experience that led me to writing a 20+ page capstone paper and doing further research on the topics of both community writing and the purpose of prison in general.
now, two years later i find myself sitting in the same prison, writing with a new group of women. i am compelled by the words they share with us, the stories they reveal, and the truths i may never know. in that classroom it doesn't matter that they are prisoners and i am free. that i have air conditioning and they don't, that i can come and go as i please and their every move is monitored. we are united by our writing and for an hour and a half each week the words that spill from our pens and fill the yellow legal pads in front of us are all that matter.

look into my eyes

My eyes
Chocolate brown
deep and round
my eyes
reveal my thoughts
express my feelings without my permission
look into my eyes
dark brown
almost black
orbs into my very soul
what do you see?
what do they see?
my eyes
do they hold you in a trance
mesmerizing, silencing
perceptive, compassionate
my eyes
full of life, feeling, love, questions
knowledge, hurt, understanding, laughter
my eyes

what i save

i save words—cards, books, magazines, e-mails, hand-written notes and newspaper clippings. words are my life. i have always been a social person. i don't have any problem chatting with friends for hours on end and at the end of the day, when i'm alone or missing them dearly those moments and those words are what i cling to. savored times in my days when my guard is down and anything goes. it doesn't matter if i've thought about what i'm going to say to make sure it won't offend anybody, i just say it.

words on paper are especially significant to me, whether they are words i have typed on the fly or carefully printed on a favorite piece of stationary. they are how i express myself best. i love it when i have time to organize my thoughts on paper and free my mind. i don't worry about saying the right thing when i'm writing. i am confident in my words. i don't feel rushed when i am writing. my words don't jumble together as they fall from my fingers or get stuck on my tongue, stumbling and stammering about. those who know me best know that some of our most heartfelt conversations may be spoken in silence on paper before the words are ever breathed aloud.

"A car is made to run on gasoline, and it would not run properly on anything else. Now God designed the human machine to run on Himself. He Himself is teh fuel our spirits were designed to burn, or teh food our spirits were designed to feed on. There is no other."

--C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

How often do I try to find happiness, fullfillment, and satisfaction in things of this world when all I need to do to be complete is passionately pursue Christ?

Fireworks!

Honestly, who doesn't love fireworks? I will admit that I may verge on the side of being a little obsessed with them, but my theory is you have to get excited about things to keep things interesting. I really don't think I used to get this excited about fireworks (and you can't forget sparklers) when I was a kid. But they have become a highlight of my summers. And when you live in Des Moines it seems like someone finds an excuse for a fireworks show almost every weekend. So, for the next 3 days, I have all the fireworks in a 30 mile radius mapped out (I'm only half kidding) if anyone wants to find me, just follow the big booms and head to where the sky's lit up :)

Christian -- by Maya Angelou
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!

reason #76 to love Des Moines

Today over my lunch break I walked to the new downtown library in Des Moines. It was a sunny beautiful day, despite a little construction noise in the background (not too much has changed here). I have always loved libraries. There is something so satisfying about walking into a building full of books that you can borrow for free. And now that the new library is within easy striking distance I am finding more and more excuses to go browse the stacks when I feel the need to get away for a while. So next time I'm feeling unsatisfied about where I am at the moment, I have to remind myself of these little joys, like walking to the library over lunch and eating my peanut butter sandwich outside on a bench watching kids splash in the water.

what's your love language

Adam and I are reading the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and going through it with some other young married couples. I had heard people talk about their love languages before (they are: Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service and Gifts), but I had never considered what mine was. After reading through the first few chapters and taking a quiz in the back of the book it is obvious that my love language is quality time. When I announced this to a close friend, she was like yeah, you are all about quality time.

It's not really a life-changing discovery, but I am definitely aware now of how important quality time, especially one on one time is for me in my relationships with others, not just Adam. I have always loved going for walks with my mom, because that was a chance for the two of us to talk. I love meeting girlfriends for coffee or having lunch dates during the week. Any intentional time that I spend with someone or someone spends with me fills up my "love tank"

Adam's love language is physical touch (It seems this might be true of all men). The book says it is natural for us to show love to others through our personal love language, but it's important to know what your spouse's (or friend's) love language is as well. I feel loved when someone spends time with me so I try to spend lots of quality time with Adam, but that won't necessary be love to him if he's looking for physical touch and visa versa. Just some interesting things to think about.

creative spirit

Sometimes I hit a creative rut and find myself wishing my job were less creative and more cut and dry, but then I find quotes like this and remember why I love what I do.

"The beautiful part of writing is that you don't have to get it right
the first time, unlike, say, a brain surgeon." - Robert Cormier,
novelist.

east of eden

I am reading John Steinbeck's epic East of Eden. I wanted to feel like I was in an English class again, so if anyone wants to discuss the themes with me and contemplate the Biblical references I'd love it. Here's a quote to ponder. The story takes place in the early 1900s and this quote is from a servant:

"I don't know where being a servant came into disrepute. it is the refuge of a philosopher, the food of the lazy, and, properly carried out, it is a position of power, even of love. I can't understand why more intelligent people don't take it as a career-learn to do it well and reap its benefits. A good servant has absolute security, not because of his master's kindness, but because of habit and indolence. It's a hard thing for a man to change spices or lay out his own socks. He'll keep a bad servant rather than change. But a good servant, and I am an excellent one, can completely control his master, tell him what to think, now to act, whom to marry, when to divorce, reduce him to terror as a discipline, or distribute happiness to him, and finally be mentioned in his will...My master will defend me, protect me. You have to work and worry, I work less and worry less."

I have no experience living with or working with "servants" I guess there are maintenance people at work who clean, deliver mail and take out the trash, but it's not quite the same as what people were used to 100 years ago.

food for thought.

magazine days

I guess every day in my life has magazines in it in some shape or form, whether I'm at work (where I'm a magazine editor), browsing the headlines in the check out lanes or reading one of the 5 magazines I currently subscribe to. But for me, one of my favorite magazine days is when I get home from work, check the mail, and find a new issue waiting for me.

Today I was greated by the July issue of Esquire. Don't be deterred by its target male audience. This magazine has some of the best writing out there and for that reason I look forward to each new issue, even if I have to settle for some less than flattering covers. Even though I already have the magazine in my possession, I can't help but read the coverlines and wonder which ones do they think will get people to pick it up off the newsstand.

Then, depending on the magazine, I flip through to find my favorite columns or stories. I always read the editors letter (does anyone else do this? or is it just me, the magazine geek) Then I check out the contributors page (again, I think I'm the only one who does this, although my co-worker Sam claims to enjoy this page as well, we just can't seem to sell our editor on its merit) Then I usually flip to the back page to see what clever thing is there, check out a few departments and then settle in to read the features. This month in Esquire I'm looking forward to the American Taliban story.

And when I finish it, I'll add it to the pile and wait for next month's.

love song

Some one shared this song by Joy Williams at a Bible study recently and I was struck by the lyrics and how true they are, especially during the first year of marriage

I'm In Love With You
I've been waiting all my life for this morning
Just to wake up next to you holding me
And your head is resting gently on my shoulder
Like you're whispering to me

I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
So glad I found you
I'm in love with you

When we're leaving dreams and rolling back the covers
All at once we're getting ready for the day
It's when you look at me in the mirror while you're shaving
before I go on my way, you say

I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
You're the one I choose
'Cause I'm in love

Love is joy and love is pain
It's kissing in the rain
It's doing dishes when it's late
Isn't it, baby
It's the act of compromise
It's helloes and long good-byes
It's the picture of our lives
Isn't it crazy

So I'll call you when I get where I'm going
And I'll let everyone we know you said hello
And without fail they'll ask me if I miss you
Of course I do, yo know I do

'Cause I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
You're the one I choose
I'm in love
I'm in love with you
I love you just the same as I did the day
I fell in love with you

small talk

I think the general topics of small talk change with every significant period in your life. I remember in high school when you met someone new or were talking to an adult, once you got past the initial introduction "Hi, my name is Andrea," the conversation immediately turned to what school you went to and then if you kept someone's attention you would move onto what activities you were involved in. If you were a senior in high school, the inevitable question was where are you going to school, and if you were lucky enough to know that, the person would usually insist on pushing the subject even further and asking what you were going to study, which for some high school seniors seems insignificant as long as they know where they're going.

Once you're of the age when people expect you to be in college, the beginning of the conversation is the same, state your name and where you go to school, and if you don't go to school you pass go and talk about your job. If you are in college you go through the same motions of stating where, followed by what you're studying and what you're interested in and if the person really wants to probe they ask what your plans are when you graduate. Sometimes this is met by a deer-in-the-headlights look, and the said interogator realizes the said college student has given no thought to a time when their primary occupation no longer is student. This question seems especially cruel when posed to seniors who are quickly approaching graduation and if they haven't made plans for grad school are approaching the real world faster than they're comfortable with.

I have now graduated to adult small talk. Sometimes I am still pegged a student, which makes me miss the easier small talk consisting of school, major and interests. I find that it's harder to talk about your job. What are you supposed to say when someone tells you they are a bio chemical computer engineer? They lost my attention (and understanding) after bio, but i'm expected to still ask questions and figure out what it is they do. And then it's my turn to try to describe what I do. I don't want to bore the person, so I can give the pat answer, I write and edit stories for a remodeling magazine, which doesn't really say anything, but it's small talk. No one really cares, right?

I don't mean to be cynical. I am just realizing how hard it is to meet people sometimes. You have to get beneath all the layers of small talk before you even start to know who someone really is. And that's not always easy. But I'm headed to a wedding this weekend, and I'm sure I'll be asked more than once what my job is and what I do, and I'll ask the same questions, but maybe I'll stick around long enough to learn more about someone than where they go to school or what they do for a living. I don't want to be defined by my job, so why should I think anyone else does?

summer

It's graduation time. Summer time. Time to be done with school. I'm still programmed to anticipate the end of May. The time when whatever you've been doing for the last nine months, some great and some unbearable comes to an end and you have 3 months of freedom, adventure, a change of pace before starting it all over again. But I'm not doing that this year. I will just keep working 40 hours a week at my job, looking out the window at the hot, sunny days and hoping it stays that way for the weekend when I have a chance to enjoy it. I realized this week, that this is my first real summer as an adult. Looking back over the last 4 summers they all involved something new and exciting. Last year at this time I was moving in with Laura for my last summer as a single girl, living it up in Des Moines with my closest friends, planning a wedding and only working 25 hours a week. The year before I packed up and headed east to Pennsylvania for an internship and enjoyed complete freedom. Before that I spent my first summer in Des Moines, living with Becca in our first apartment, working and taking a class. And every summer before that, for as long as I can remember summer meant sleeping in, working, laying out, drinking kool-aid, reading summer romance novels on the beach, and most importantly NO SCHOOL. Well, I have the no school thing taken care of, but with that comes responsibility, and a job that is the same one I've been doing for nine months and will still be the same one I have when the summer's over.

It's not that I'm not looking forward to this summer. Technically this is something new too, on change, no big move, no major transition. I guess that's part of being an adult. And I know there are still plenty of crazy things to discover, but I have to atleast pretend to be responsible and keep doing the same thing during the week, even though it seems like the natural time to take off and do something new.

family time

Adam and I were in Cedar Rapids this weekend for Mother's Day. It seems like I haven't been with my mom on Mother's Day since I started college. Somehow that weekend always coincided with graduation and moving, so it was great to spend time with her and the family.

Most of Saturday, Adam was with his family and friends and I was home with my family. I realized how long it's been since the five of us have been a family without Adam around. Not that he's not totally welcome and part of the family now that we're married, but I had this realization that when I'm home with Adam, I feel more grown up. With him I'm a wife, still a sister and daughter, but primarily a wife. When he wasn't there I so easily reverted back to being a daughter. Goofing off with Karen and Kyle, arguing about silly little things, having my mom fix me lunch. And sitting down for dinner with my immediate family felt so comfortable and natural even though in the back of my mind there was the sense that Adam was missing and that by him not being there I wasn't quite complete. While my immediate will always be there and the ones I love and care about unconditionally, I left them the cleave to Adam, my husband. We are now our own family unit. Not completely separate from our parents, we will always be a part of those families, but now we are something more. Even though we've been married for 9 months now, I feel like I'm still only just realizing how much my life has changed and that I can't avoid being a grown up.

a touch of dutch

tulip time

You can't go wrong with 32,000 tulips, dutch letters and a lighted parade. It's Pella in Spring :)

umbrella weather

The Drake Stadium got a facelift this year, of course the track is still blue. Even though it was raining we still showed our school spirit (at least long enough to take a picture)

girlfriends

Some things never change, no matter how many miles apart we are. When we get together we always end up chatting on someone's bed. Thanks for coming back for Relays Lynn and Laura :)

home improvements

Adam and I have been unpacking and hanging a few pictures for the last few weeks, but today we did our first real "permanent" improvments, as Adam calls them (I say we just put really big holes in the wall that we won't be exposing when we move). We hung a shower curtain and a set of shelves in the bathroom. Basically I had fun watching Adam play with his new drill and tried to find the the right bits for him. In the end, I think we were successful. Hopefully by next weekend we'll have a couch and finally start having people over.

for the love of a couch

While I love the bed Adam and I share there is a statute of limitations for the amount of time you spend sitting, lounging, sleeping on it. We have been without a couch for a MONTH. Think back in your lives to March, then think of the hours you have spent on your couch. Maybe you're even sitting on it right now. The Chinese may like sitting on the floor, but I'm all for the cushiony, comfiness of a couch. At the moment i have boycotted the bedroom and am sitting on what Adam calls my "imaginary" couch in the living room. For the first week it was kind of fun to camp out in the living room with blankets and pillows to watch a movie or read. After the second week, when we thought we were getting the couch, but it was delivered and was the wrong color, sitting on the floor lost its appeal. I even allowed Adam to move the TV into the bedroom, something I always said we would never do, just so we would have someplace to sit while watching LOST.

We got the news today that the couch will finally be delivered Wednesday. We may never leave the living room after that. I was commenting to a friend that even though we now own our own place, I feel that in some ways I have reverted back to the life of a college student with my bed multitasking as a couch/bed/clothes horse. All I want to do is be able to enjoy my living room. Is that too much to ask? For now, I'll get as comfortable as I can on the floor and continue to mentally arrange the furniture.

Life after 5

My days consist of 8 hours at work that are split up by a lunch hour. Sometimes I feel like those 40 hours are endless, but I sure do enjoy the next 6 hours or so I have to do what I please when I get home from work. Then I go to bed and start the cylce all over again. I was realizing how different this is from when I was a student. Then I had commitments and responsibilities at all hours. Any time I spent in the apartment was rushing to the next activity. If you caught me at home I was usually checking my voicemail, grabbing something to eat and preparing something for class all at once. Now when I get home from work I have to remind myself that I don't have to immediately start making dinner (though that's probably what Adam would like me to do). I can actually sit down for a minute, relax, flip through a magazine, and then enjoy a leisurely dinner when I feel like it. By then it's usually 7, and then the reality hits that I still have 4 hours to do whatever. There really is something to be said for life after work.

beach feet

SPRING

OK, so I live in Iowa and one of the prerequisites to living here is talking about the weather. We can get away with it though because it's always changing. One week it's rainy and stormy and cold and then BAM it's SPRING and 80 degrees. Everyone is outside at lunch, walking, smiling, soaking up the sun (because we know it could be gone as quickly as it came) I am always amazed at how happy nice weather makes me. I'm sure in a month or two, a beautiful day like today won't phase me, and it's not like I haven't lived through 23 other springs in Iowa, but every year it's the same joy and amazement at how nice it is to be able to be outside, and open the windows and wear sandals.

failure to communicate

For 4 years Adam and I had a long distance relationship. This forced us to become adept at long phone conversations, e-mails, letters and phone messages. Now we've lived in the same city for a year (definitely a good idea if you're getting married) Our jobs have taken each of us out of town occassionally and I'm always amazed at how quickly we have forgotten how to to have a relationship over the phone. Just this last week I was gone only 3 days, but in that time we barely talked. This was partly because I was busy and worn out when I wasn't working, but it was also because we have forgotten how to read each other from a distance. I was quick to jump to the assumption that since he wasn't calling me that he didn't miss me, and he didn't realize how much I wanted to know that he was still thinking about me even if we weren't seeing each other. Talking on the phone is hard, it takes patience and sacrifice. By the time we finally reached each other one night I was snuggled in bed ready to sleep, not ready to rehash my day, even though that was all I wanted to do when it was convenient for me. Even though I'm glad we had a long distance relationship at one time, now being apart makes me appreciate that we can be together most of the time.

spring showers

It feels like it's been raining for a week. Twice in the last 3 days tornado sirens have gone off. Adam and I live on the second floor of our building and rather than head to the underground parking garage we usually just look out the window to see how hard it's raining. We figure a tornado won't get very far in downtown des moines.

The sound of raindrops dripping off the roof and sliding slowly down the windows is soothing, even though at this point I long to see the sun and watch the little green buds form on the tips of the branches. Maybe when I get back to Iowa at the end of the week spring will have sprung here.

all over the place

Do you ever feel like you are rushing and rushing trying to get things done but really not accomplishing anything? I've had that feeling for the last week. The move went well and we are settling into the life of homeownership, but now I'm busy getting ready for a business trip and trying to figure out what business casual really means for a 23 year old. I can do business professional, button up shirt, suit jacket, heels, but give me the freedom to be a little casual and I'm not quite sure what to do. I think the worst part is that I'm self-conscious about my age and once again taking myself too seriously. Where has my confidence gone? I want to be unashamed of my youth and ready to learn and ask questions.

Twenty-three

"Maybe 23 is the age people become disillusioned with life. Until 23, everything is preparation for a 'life' that's supposed to begin after college. But when you finally get to 23, you realize there really isn't life after college."

From Faith and the City

good-bye 22

I am saying good bye to 22 tonight. It was a good age, a good year, a formative year. My world and my identity changed on so many levels. But even though it was a great year, I'm ready to say good bye to 22. Will I feel older and more mature tomororw, more like the adult I pretend to be every day at work? Probably not. But now I won't feel quite so embarrassed when someone inevitably asks how old I am. I will proudly say 23, which is still young, because I'm not pretending to have it all figured out, but it sounds a heck of a lot older than 22, which as one of my fellow 22 year old friends described as an age that just screams fresh out of college.

It's kind of a big week for good byes. Adam and I are moving out of our first apartment together and taking the plunge into homeownership. As of Friday we will be the proud owners of a 2 bedroom condo in Des Moines. I have had more addresses than I can count in the last 4 years, none of them lasting more than 7 months. So it doesn't feel that abnormal to be packing things up again. But this time I won't be packing again in a few short months. What will that be like? I really don't know. There won't be a compelling reason to get rid of clothes I haven't worn in a year and I won't be emptying drawers, throwing away that eyeshadow I never used, the shoes I don't wear any more or the random crap I am so good at aquring at the Target One Spot.

My family also moved out of my childhood home this year, which meant there was another closet for me to empty, another set of dust bunnies to disrupt from under my bed and a collection of memories to relive. I cleaned out that room in November and filled a box with things I couldn't bear to part with but that my mom refused to let into the new house. And you know what? That box is still sitting in the trunk of my car. I haven't looked at, but I still can't throw it away. The picture frames with smiling faces from high school. The college mascot memorabilia, the yearbooks. Maybe I'll finally move the box into the new condo, where it can collct dust until we move again.

So I said good bye to my college apartment and my childhood home of 20 years without shedding a tear. So why is it that I feel most sentimental about this little apartment where Adam and I have only lived for 7 months? There are plenty of things to complain about, from the dryers never completely drying our clothes to the dishwasher not really cleaning anything. To the lack of a light over the dining room table, to the cold showers. But there are as many little idiosyncracies that I love about it. I love that we are on the 8th floor and have a balcony that overlooks the city. I love it that it feels like we live in a big city because we live in such a big building. I love the old retired people you encounter on the elevator who ignore the unspoken rule that people don't talk to eachother on the elevator and always ask how your day was or comment on the weather. I love it that it's so small that Adam and I can clean the whole thing in an hour. I love our huge walk-in closet that I managed to dominate even though Adam had a 5 month head start on me. I love it that it is and always will be our first home together. That we made our first real adult furniture purchase with this space in mind. I LOVE the neighborhood that it's in. Just south of Grand, which if you're familiar with Des Moines is the highly desireable country club-esque neighborhood. This is the place we had our first little dinner parties, put up our first christmas tree, argued as we hung the first pictures and burned our first dinners. I love the swimming pool, that I was able to take full advantage of when I wasn't working full time.

good bye 22. good bye #806.

lunch dates

Adam has been living in Des Moines for a year now, and we've been married for 7 months, but the fact that we can have lunch dates during the week is still a luxury. I hope it's something that I never take for granted. And the great thing about Des Moines is that we both work downtown, so I can go meet him in the skywalks and we can lose ourselves among the other professionals who are wandering around tryign to decided if they want Maid-Rite or Subway. Our lunch of choice is usually pizza from a little vendor in the corner of the food court. We each get 2 slices and a small drink for $7, you can't beat it. And seeing my husband in the middle of a stressful day is something I wouldn't trade for anything.

Every girl needs a guy who can tell her to stop worrying and relax. That's exactly what Adam does for me. Today I felt like I didn't know what I was doing at work, and he quietly reminded me that I do know what I'm doing and if I have questions I can't be afraid to ask. I still had a stressful, busy afternoon, but it was manageable.

CRASH

Adam and I saw Crash this weekend. (Academy Award Winner for best pictures) It was out in theaters in the spring but one of the theaters in Des Moines is showing a bunch of the academy nominated films. Anyway, we missed it the first time it was out. It was amazing. I don't know if it just hit me at a time when I was especially sensitive to its messages about race relations and family ties, but I highly recommend it. I thought it gave an excellent and acurrate portrayal of so many of the stereotypes and labels we have for people who seem different from us. but is also showed how important family is. From a daddy's desire to keep his little girl safe to children's commitment to their parents as they grow older. This is a movie I'll definitley want to see again.

The opening line sums up the whole movie. "It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.

Has anyone else seen it? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Green!

I don't think I have a drop of Irish blood in me, but that doesnt' mean I can't celebrate my friend's Irish roots. My mouth is still sore, so Adam got me a shamrock shake. I don't think I've had one since I was a kid, when they seemed so mysterious and special. Now the concept of adding mint flavoring to a vanilla shake isn't quite so novel, but it still tastes good, nad I don't have to chew it. :)

new life

Last year was a year of weddings for Adam and I. Aside from our own we celebrated with many of our friends who were married. And now it's time for them to start having babies. We are far from that ourselves, but it's so exciting to see Nate and Sarah bringing home little Sophia (check out pictures piecesofglass.blogger.com) and Dustin and Carly with their new son. We can't wait to get back to CR and see for ourselves how beautiful and precious these babies are.

signs of growing up

I was on a quest for a new pair of khakis for work this week. I went to my usual stores, Banana, Express, Limited, Gap. In one store, the salesperson asked if I was shopping for spring break. This made me feel both old and young. Old because I don't get one of those anymore and young because obviously I still look like someone who might be taking a spring break. As I stood in dressing room after dressing room, trying to be practical it hit me that I now view myself as a young professional (whatever that really means). I didn't want the pants to be too tight or too low. I wanted them to be comfortable. I even ended up getting a pair that is a little loose rather than squeezing into the smaller size. When I left the store, I coudln't help but think that my mom would be proud. After all her comments about things being too tight, too small, too low I was finally understanding. This is not to say that everything in my wardrobe is this practical. Far from it, I mean who can resist the clearance skirt that you know is too short, tight, whatever. Not me. But for work purposes I am finding that anything I can do to appear older than the 22 and fresh out of college that I am is a good thing. I need all the confidence I can get, and if a pair of khakis can help, great.

Check it off the list

Technically I haven't written out a list of things I want to do before I die, but it's in the back of my mind. Watch the sun set/rise over the Grand Canyon, take a gondola ride in Venice with Adam, go hiking in the Rocky Mountains, own a house, take a road trip along the California coast, get my wisdom teeth out. Wait, you say. Get your wisdom teeth out? It's not really something I aspired to do, but it seems like it's one of those things that just has to be done. So like it or not, I got to check something off my list today. In all fairness, I was already half way there, having had the top two taken out in college. But today, this morning to be exact, the bottom two we removed. I opted out of anethesia, and just took local anethestic. Right now, 10 hours later, I'm thankful for that decision, but about 20 minutes into it, when I could feel them tugging in my mouth I was having second thoughts. Thank God for iPods. I highly recommend them during any dental procedure.

So now my mouth is sore, but Adam assures me the swelling has gone down, and all I can eat is cold, soft foods. Unfortunately I'm craving something salty. Does anyone have any ideas? Becca thought of hummus, but I don't think I can bring myself to eating it plain, and Adam won't put the bag of dorritos in the blender. Tomorrow I should be able to move onto hot foods. Watch out tomato soup. I have my eye on you.

normal

Is it just me, or do we all have an innate desire to be normal? So much of what I do revolves around this false sense of security I find in my effort to become normal. I went to college, got married, got a job. All these things are fine and I'm not saying I would have it any other way, but underneath the surface of all these acts is a longing to just be normal. To fit in. To be accepted. Deep down, that is my desire. I think if I just wear the certain outfit, am seen with the right people, and go to the trendy places on the weekend, people will look at me and think, "yeah, she's got everything together. She's normal."

But really, what is normal? We all know that nobody has it together, no matter how great things look on the outside. There's no such thing as the perfect life. Suburbia is a joke. Those people with 1.5 kids, a dog and a white pickett fence probably have more problems than you and I, they're just better at hiding it. So that leaves the question, if there is no such thing as normal, what is it that we're striving for? And if it doesn't exist, what's the point?

This past weekend I was at a church retreat, and the speaker briefly touched on this desire we all have for normalcy, even if it is fleeting. He asked, when is the last time you felt normal? That struck a cord with me, but what he said next is what really hit home, and I think it's the definition of normal I've been seeking. I will only feel normal, secure, accepted, and loved when I let myself be free to be who God created me to be. I didn't create me, God did. I forget that a lot. I think I can create my own happiness, which is so far from the truth, but it's what the world is telling us at every turn. Once I acknowledge that God created me, the next step is truely believing in my heart that the only way I can feel normal is if I let myself experience God's love at such a depth that I can be comfortable with who I am. The me God created me to be.

Maybe it sounds cheesey, or really basic, but that's where I am right now. And really, if everyone was normal what fun would that be? It's the quirks that I love and remember in those I hold close to my heart.

the art of compromise

Adam and I have been couch shopping recently and we actually bought one today, but in Adam's words, there are quicker ways to suicide (I don't really think it was that bad). We have been furniture shopping before, and have successfully purchased end tables, a coffee table, dining room set and china hutch. But every time we go to the furniture store it's the same story. I go and want to look at everything, get an idea of what's available and what we can afford, and then come back in a day or two and if I still like the same things, then we can buy it. Adam on the other hand goes with the mentality that we know we want a couch, let's get it today. 45 minutes into our first couch-shopping expedition, Adam looked at me and said, "we aren't going to get a couch today, are we?"

I even read a magazine article about buying your first couch (Meredith really does have a magazine for everything). The article was great though. A couch is the prized location in a living room. It needs to function in many different ways. We eat on it, sleep on it, read on it, watch TV on it, and still expect it to look good. In the past, I never really chose my couch. It was either a roommate's, I found it in the trash (literally) or it was a hand-me-down from my parents. So now that I have the chance to pick out this intregal piece of furniture I don't take the decision lightly.

So, on our second trip to the furniture store we narrowed down our options and chose the couch. But the store was closing and we didn't have time to pick out fabric (yes we even got to choose that, amazing) so we went back today to finalize everything and get it ordered. I wish I had a picture of what it looked like. It's really hard to know how a whole couch will look when the fabric swatch you are working with is about 6 inches square. We ended up with a really dark brown, which is a lot bolder than I had anticipated, but I think it will be really nice. And then there are the pillows that you get to choose, and they have their own fabric too. (like I said, it took 3 trips)

And poor Adam. The one thing he wanted out of the deal, a leather recliner, he didn't get. It's going to take a few more trips to decide on that one. And did anyone know that chairs cost as much as couches???

And, for those of you who don't know, the reason we are couch shopping in the first place (aside from the fact that the floral couch from my parents isn't quite our style) is that we are moving into a condo at the end of March. So if anyone needs a couch and doesn't want to shop for it, we have a very comfortable one that needs a new home...

Changing of the guard

Well, this blog started this fall as something for me and some friends to use to keep tabs on each other, but it seems we prefer phone calls, visits, and e-mails. I am still hoping to take up this blogging thing for myself, so here I go. I guess it doesn't really matter to me so much who reads this, but I find the idea of putting my thoughts out there for others to respond to if they want intriguing. As a writer, I thrive on feedback. Maybe this will be the accountability I need to start writing again. Has anyone seen the ad for running shoes where the woman says, "the reason I run is because it's the only thing I do for myself." That's how writing is for me. It's something I do for myself, but as a journalist, it's also something I share with others.

Lovely ladies

cat naps

Anyone who spent any time in the Goodwin-Kirk dorm rooms at Drake knows how cozy the window seats could be. Especially on a sunny afternoon. How many times did I curl up there with every intention of studying only to be distracted by people watching or lulled to sleep by the warm sun. Well, where I work, there is a long row of windows with low ledges that are almost as inviting as the GK window seats. They are especially tempting on these winter days when I know it's frigid outside, but from the inside, the sun is warm and welcoming. Some days I long to curl up there in the sun like a care-free college student. Those were the days.