love song

Some one shared this song by Joy Williams at a Bible study recently and I was struck by the lyrics and how true they are, especially during the first year of marriage

I'm In Love With You
I've been waiting all my life for this morning
Just to wake up next to you holding me
And your head is resting gently on my shoulder
Like you're whispering to me

I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
So glad I found you
I'm in love with you

When we're leaving dreams and rolling back the covers
All at once we're getting ready for the day
It's when you look at me in the mirror while you're shaving
before I go on my way, you say

I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
You're the one I choose
'Cause I'm in love

Love is joy and love is pain
It's kissing in the rain
It's doing dishes when it's late
Isn't it, baby
It's the act of compromise
It's helloes and long good-byes
It's the picture of our lives
Isn't it crazy

So I'll call you when I get where I'm going
And I'll let everyone we know you said hello
And without fail they'll ask me if I miss you
Of course I do, yo know I do

'Cause I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
You're the one I choose
I'm in love
I'm in love with you
I love you just the same as I did the day
I fell in love with you

small talk

I think the general topics of small talk change with every significant period in your life. I remember in high school when you met someone new or were talking to an adult, once you got past the initial introduction "Hi, my name is Andrea," the conversation immediately turned to what school you went to and then if you kept someone's attention you would move onto what activities you were involved in. If you were a senior in high school, the inevitable question was where are you going to school, and if you were lucky enough to know that, the person would usually insist on pushing the subject even further and asking what you were going to study, which for some high school seniors seems insignificant as long as they know where they're going.

Once you're of the age when people expect you to be in college, the beginning of the conversation is the same, state your name and where you go to school, and if you don't go to school you pass go and talk about your job. If you are in college you go through the same motions of stating where, followed by what you're studying and what you're interested in and if the person really wants to probe they ask what your plans are when you graduate. Sometimes this is met by a deer-in-the-headlights look, and the said interogator realizes the said college student has given no thought to a time when their primary occupation no longer is student. This question seems especially cruel when posed to seniors who are quickly approaching graduation and if they haven't made plans for grad school are approaching the real world faster than they're comfortable with.

I have now graduated to adult small talk. Sometimes I am still pegged a student, which makes me miss the easier small talk consisting of school, major and interests. I find that it's harder to talk about your job. What are you supposed to say when someone tells you they are a bio chemical computer engineer? They lost my attention (and understanding) after bio, but i'm expected to still ask questions and figure out what it is they do. And then it's my turn to try to describe what I do. I don't want to bore the person, so I can give the pat answer, I write and edit stories for a remodeling magazine, which doesn't really say anything, but it's small talk. No one really cares, right?

I don't mean to be cynical. I am just realizing how hard it is to meet people sometimes. You have to get beneath all the layers of small talk before you even start to know who someone really is. And that's not always easy. But I'm headed to a wedding this weekend, and I'm sure I'll be asked more than once what my job is and what I do, and I'll ask the same questions, but maybe I'll stick around long enough to learn more about someone than where they go to school or what they do for a living. I don't want to be defined by my job, so why should I think anyone else does?

summer

It's graduation time. Summer time. Time to be done with school. I'm still programmed to anticipate the end of May. The time when whatever you've been doing for the last nine months, some great and some unbearable comes to an end and you have 3 months of freedom, adventure, a change of pace before starting it all over again. But I'm not doing that this year. I will just keep working 40 hours a week at my job, looking out the window at the hot, sunny days and hoping it stays that way for the weekend when I have a chance to enjoy it. I realized this week, that this is my first real summer as an adult. Looking back over the last 4 summers they all involved something new and exciting. Last year at this time I was moving in with Laura for my last summer as a single girl, living it up in Des Moines with my closest friends, planning a wedding and only working 25 hours a week. The year before I packed up and headed east to Pennsylvania for an internship and enjoyed complete freedom. Before that I spent my first summer in Des Moines, living with Becca in our first apartment, working and taking a class. And every summer before that, for as long as I can remember summer meant sleeping in, working, laying out, drinking kool-aid, reading summer romance novels on the beach, and most importantly NO SCHOOL. Well, I have the no school thing taken care of, but with that comes responsibility, and a job that is the same one I've been doing for nine months and will still be the same one I have when the summer's over.

It's not that I'm not looking forward to this summer. Technically this is something new too, on change, no big move, no major transition. I guess that's part of being an adult. And I know there are still plenty of crazy things to discover, but I have to atleast pretend to be responsible and keep doing the same thing during the week, even though it seems like the natural time to take off and do something new.

family time

Adam and I were in Cedar Rapids this weekend for Mother's Day. It seems like I haven't been with my mom on Mother's Day since I started college. Somehow that weekend always coincided with graduation and moving, so it was great to spend time with her and the family.

Most of Saturday, Adam was with his family and friends and I was home with my family. I realized how long it's been since the five of us have been a family without Adam around. Not that he's not totally welcome and part of the family now that we're married, but I had this realization that when I'm home with Adam, I feel more grown up. With him I'm a wife, still a sister and daughter, but primarily a wife. When he wasn't there I so easily reverted back to being a daughter. Goofing off with Karen and Kyle, arguing about silly little things, having my mom fix me lunch. And sitting down for dinner with my immediate family felt so comfortable and natural even though in the back of my mind there was the sense that Adam was missing and that by him not being there I wasn't quite complete. While my immediate will always be there and the ones I love and care about unconditionally, I left them the cleave to Adam, my husband. We are now our own family unit. Not completely separate from our parents, we will always be a part of those families, but now we are something more. Even though we've been married for 9 months now, I feel like I'm still only just realizing how much my life has changed and that I can't avoid being a grown up.

a touch of dutch

tulip time

You can't go wrong with 32,000 tulips, dutch letters and a lighted parade. It's Pella in Spring :)

umbrella weather

The Drake Stadium got a facelift this year, of course the track is still blue. Even though it was raining we still showed our school spirit (at least long enough to take a picture)

girlfriends

Some things never change, no matter how many miles apart we are. When we get together we always end up chatting on someone's bed. Thanks for coming back for Relays Lynn and Laura :)

home improvements

Adam and I have been unpacking and hanging a few pictures for the last few weeks, but today we did our first real "permanent" improvments, as Adam calls them (I say we just put really big holes in the wall that we won't be exposing when we move). We hung a shower curtain and a set of shelves in the bathroom. Basically I had fun watching Adam play with his new drill and tried to find the the right bits for him. In the end, I think we were successful. Hopefully by next weekend we'll have a couch and finally start having people over.

for the love of a couch

While I love the bed Adam and I share there is a statute of limitations for the amount of time you spend sitting, lounging, sleeping on it. We have been without a couch for a MONTH. Think back in your lives to March, then think of the hours you have spent on your couch. Maybe you're even sitting on it right now. The Chinese may like sitting on the floor, but I'm all for the cushiony, comfiness of a couch. At the moment i have boycotted the bedroom and am sitting on what Adam calls my "imaginary" couch in the living room. For the first week it was kind of fun to camp out in the living room with blankets and pillows to watch a movie or read. After the second week, when we thought we were getting the couch, but it was delivered and was the wrong color, sitting on the floor lost its appeal. I even allowed Adam to move the TV into the bedroom, something I always said we would never do, just so we would have someplace to sit while watching LOST.

We got the news today that the couch will finally be delivered Wednesday. We may never leave the living room after that. I was commenting to a friend that even though we now own our own place, I feel that in some ways I have reverted back to the life of a college student with my bed multitasking as a couch/bed/clothes horse. All I want to do is be able to enjoy my living room. Is that too much to ask? For now, I'll get as comfortable as I can on the floor and continue to mentally arrange the furniture.

Life after 5

My days consist of 8 hours at work that are split up by a lunch hour. Sometimes I feel like those 40 hours are endless, but I sure do enjoy the next 6 hours or so I have to do what I please when I get home from work. Then I go to bed and start the cylce all over again. I was realizing how different this is from when I was a student. Then I had commitments and responsibilities at all hours. Any time I spent in the apartment was rushing to the next activity. If you caught me at home I was usually checking my voicemail, grabbing something to eat and preparing something for class all at once. Now when I get home from work I have to remind myself that I don't have to immediately start making dinner (though that's probably what Adam would like me to do). I can actually sit down for a minute, relax, flip through a magazine, and then enjoy a leisurely dinner when I feel like it. By then it's usually 7, and then the reality hits that I still have 4 hours to do whatever. There really is something to be said for life after work.

beach feet

SPRING

OK, so I live in Iowa and one of the prerequisites to living here is talking about the weather. We can get away with it though because it's always changing. One week it's rainy and stormy and cold and then BAM it's SPRING and 80 degrees. Everyone is outside at lunch, walking, smiling, soaking up the sun (because we know it could be gone as quickly as it came) I am always amazed at how happy nice weather makes me. I'm sure in a month or two, a beautiful day like today won't phase me, and it's not like I haven't lived through 23 other springs in Iowa, but every year it's the same joy and amazement at how nice it is to be able to be outside, and open the windows and wear sandals.

failure to communicate

For 4 years Adam and I had a long distance relationship. This forced us to become adept at long phone conversations, e-mails, letters and phone messages. Now we've lived in the same city for a year (definitely a good idea if you're getting married) Our jobs have taken each of us out of town occassionally and I'm always amazed at how quickly we have forgotten how to to have a relationship over the phone. Just this last week I was gone only 3 days, but in that time we barely talked. This was partly because I was busy and worn out when I wasn't working, but it was also because we have forgotten how to read each other from a distance. I was quick to jump to the assumption that since he wasn't calling me that he didn't miss me, and he didn't realize how much I wanted to know that he was still thinking about me even if we weren't seeing each other. Talking on the phone is hard, it takes patience and sacrifice. By the time we finally reached each other one night I was snuggled in bed ready to sleep, not ready to rehash my day, even though that was all I wanted to do when it was convenient for me. Even though I'm glad we had a long distance relationship at one time, now being apart makes me appreciate that we can be together most of the time.

spring showers

It feels like it's been raining for a week. Twice in the last 3 days tornado sirens have gone off. Adam and I live on the second floor of our building and rather than head to the underground parking garage we usually just look out the window to see how hard it's raining. We figure a tornado won't get very far in downtown des moines.

The sound of raindrops dripping off the roof and sliding slowly down the windows is soothing, even though at this point I long to see the sun and watch the little green buds form on the tips of the branches. Maybe when I get back to Iowa at the end of the week spring will have sprung here.

all over the place

Do you ever feel like you are rushing and rushing trying to get things done but really not accomplishing anything? I've had that feeling for the last week. The move went well and we are settling into the life of homeownership, but now I'm busy getting ready for a business trip and trying to figure out what business casual really means for a 23 year old. I can do business professional, button up shirt, suit jacket, heels, but give me the freedom to be a little casual and I'm not quite sure what to do. I think the worst part is that I'm self-conscious about my age and once again taking myself too seriously. Where has my confidence gone? I want to be unashamed of my youth and ready to learn and ask questions.

Twenty-three

"Maybe 23 is the age people become disillusioned with life. Until 23, everything is preparation for a 'life' that's supposed to begin after college. But when you finally get to 23, you realize there really isn't life after college."

From Faith and the City

good-bye 22

I am saying good bye to 22 tonight. It was a good age, a good year, a formative year. My world and my identity changed on so many levels. But even though it was a great year, I'm ready to say good bye to 22. Will I feel older and more mature tomororw, more like the adult I pretend to be every day at work? Probably not. But now I won't feel quite so embarrassed when someone inevitably asks how old I am. I will proudly say 23, which is still young, because I'm not pretending to have it all figured out, but it sounds a heck of a lot older than 22, which as one of my fellow 22 year old friends described as an age that just screams fresh out of college.

It's kind of a big week for good byes. Adam and I are moving out of our first apartment together and taking the plunge into homeownership. As of Friday we will be the proud owners of a 2 bedroom condo in Des Moines. I have had more addresses than I can count in the last 4 years, none of them lasting more than 7 months. So it doesn't feel that abnormal to be packing things up again. But this time I won't be packing again in a few short months. What will that be like? I really don't know. There won't be a compelling reason to get rid of clothes I haven't worn in a year and I won't be emptying drawers, throwing away that eyeshadow I never used, the shoes I don't wear any more or the random crap I am so good at aquring at the Target One Spot.

My family also moved out of my childhood home this year, which meant there was another closet for me to empty, another set of dust bunnies to disrupt from under my bed and a collection of memories to relive. I cleaned out that room in November and filled a box with things I couldn't bear to part with but that my mom refused to let into the new house. And you know what? That box is still sitting in the trunk of my car. I haven't looked at, but I still can't throw it away. The picture frames with smiling faces from high school. The college mascot memorabilia, the yearbooks. Maybe I'll finally move the box into the new condo, where it can collct dust until we move again.

So I said good bye to my college apartment and my childhood home of 20 years without shedding a tear. So why is it that I feel most sentimental about this little apartment where Adam and I have only lived for 7 months? There are plenty of things to complain about, from the dryers never completely drying our clothes to the dishwasher not really cleaning anything. To the lack of a light over the dining room table, to the cold showers. But there are as many little idiosyncracies that I love about it. I love that we are on the 8th floor and have a balcony that overlooks the city. I love it that it feels like we live in a big city because we live in such a big building. I love the old retired people you encounter on the elevator who ignore the unspoken rule that people don't talk to eachother on the elevator and always ask how your day was or comment on the weather. I love it that it's so small that Adam and I can clean the whole thing in an hour. I love our huge walk-in closet that I managed to dominate even though Adam had a 5 month head start on me. I love it that it is and always will be our first home together. That we made our first real adult furniture purchase with this space in mind. I LOVE the neighborhood that it's in. Just south of Grand, which if you're familiar with Des Moines is the highly desireable country club-esque neighborhood. This is the place we had our first little dinner parties, put up our first christmas tree, argued as we hung the first pictures and burned our first dinners. I love the swimming pool, that I was able to take full advantage of when I wasn't working full time.

good bye 22. good bye #806.

lunch dates

Adam has been living in Des Moines for a year now, and we've been married for 7 months, but the fact that we can have lunch dates during the week is still a luxury. I hope it's something that I never take for granted. And the great thing about Des Moines is that we both work downtown, so I can go meet him in the skywalks and we can lose ourselves among the other professionals who are wandering around tryign to decided if they want Maid-Rite or Subway. Our lunch of choice is usually pizza from a little vendor in the corner of the food court. We each get 2 slices and a small drink for $7, you can't beat it. And seeing my husband in the middle of a stressful day is something I wouldn't trade for anything.

Every girl needs a guy who can tell her to stop worrying and relax. That's exactly what Adam does for me. Today I felt like I didn't know what I was doing at work, and he quietly reminded me that I do know what I'm doing and if I have questions I can't be afraid to ask. I still had a stressful, busy afternoon, but it was manageable.

CRASH

Adam and I saw Crash this weekend. (Academy Award Winner for best pictures) It was out in theaters in the spring but one of the theaters in Des Moines is showing a bunch of the academy nominated films. Anyway, we missed it the first time it was out. It was amazing. I don't know if it just hit me at a time when I was especially sensitive to its messages about race relations and family ties, but I highly recommend it. I thought it gave an excellent and acurrate portrayal of so many of the stereotypes and labels we have for people who seem different from us. but is also showed how important family is. From a daddy's desire to keep his little girl safe to children's commitment to their parents as they grow older. This is a movie I'll definitley want to see again.

The opening line sums up the whole movie. "It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.

Has anyone else seen it? I'd love to hear your thoughts.