our greatest fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are made to make and manifest the glory of God. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Marianne Williamson, from her book A Return to Love

going to prison

on tuesday nights i go to prison
before you start jumping to conclusions, let me explain
when i was a student at Drake i took a community writing class in which the class spent a semester going to a nearby women's prison and writing with the inmates. it was an experience that led me to writing a 20+ page capstone paper and doing further research on the topics of both community writing and the purpose of prison in general.
now, two years later i find myself sitting in the same prison, writing with a new group of women. i am compelled by the words they share with us, the stories they reveal, and the truths i may never know. in that classroom it doesn't matter that they are prisoners and i am free. that i have air conditioning and they don't, that i can come and go as i please and their every move is monitored. we are united by our writing and for an hour and a half each week the words that spill from our pens and fill the yellow legal pads in front of us are all that matter.

look into my eyes

My eyes
Chocolate brown
deep and round
my eyes
reveal my thoughts
express my feelings without my permission
look into my eyes
dark brown
almost black
orbs into my very soul
what do you see?
what do they see?
my eyes
do they hold you in a trance
mesmerizing, silencing
perceptive, compassionate
my eyes
full of life, feeling, love, questions
knowledge, hurt, understanding, laughter
my eyes

what i save

i save words—cards, books, magazines, e-mails, hand-written notes and newspaper clippings. words are my life. i have always been a social person. i don't have any problem chatting with friends for hours on end and at the end of the day, when i'm alone or missing them dearly those moments and those words are what i cling to. savored times in my days when my guard is down and anything goes. it doesn't matter if i've thought about what i'm going to say to make sure it won't offend anybody, i just say it.

words on paper are especially significant to me, whether they are words i have typed on the fly or carefully printed on a favorite piece of stationary. they are how i express myself best. i love it when i have time to organize my thoughts on paper and free my mind. i don't worry about saying the right thing when i'm writing. i am confident in my words. i don't feel rushed when i am writing. my words don't jumble together as they fall from my fingers or get stuck on my tongue, stumbling and stammering about. those who know me best know that some of our most heartfelt conversations may be spoken in silence on paper before the words are ever breathed aloud.

"A car is made to run on gasoline, and it would not run properly on anything else. Now God designed the human machine to run on Himself. He Himself is teh fuel our spirits were designed to burn, or teh food our spirits were designed to feed on. There is no other."

--C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

How often do I try to find happiness, fullfillment, and satisfaction in things of this world when all I need to do to be complete is passionately pursue Christ?

Fireworks!

Honestly, who doesn't love fireworks? I will admit that I may verge on the side of being a little obsessed with them, but my theory is you have to get excited about things to keep things interesting. I really don't think I used to get this excited about fireworks (and you can't forget sparklers) when I was a kid. But they have become a highlight of my summers. And when you live in Des Moines it seems like someone finds an excuse for a fireworks show almost every weekend. So, for the next 3 days, I have all the fireworks in a 30 mile radius mapped out (I'm only half kidding) if anyone wants to find me, just follow the big booms and head to where the sky's lit up :)

Christian -- by Maya Angelou
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!