normal

Is it just me, or do we all have an innate desire to be normal? So much of what I do revolves around this false sense of security I find in my effort to become normal. I went to college, got married, got a job. All these things are fine and I'm not saying I would have it any other way, but underneath the surface of all these acts is a longing to just be normal. To fit in. To be accepted. Deep down, that is my desire. I think if I just wear the certain outfit, am seen with the right people, and go to the trendy places on the weekend, people will look at me and think, "yeah, she's got everything together. She's normal."

But really, what is normal? We all know that nobody has it together, no matter how great things look on the outside. There's no such thing as the perfect life. Suburbia is a joke. Those people with 1.5 kids, a dog and a white pickett fence probably have more problems than you and I, they're just better at hiding it. So that leaves the question, if there is no such thing as normal, what is it that we're striving for? And if it doesn't exist, what's the point?

This past weekend I was at a church retreat, and the speaker briefly touched on this desire we all have for normalcy, even if it is fleeting. He asked, when is the last time you felt normal? That struck a cord with me, but what he said next is what really hit home, and I think it's the definition of normal I've been seeking. I will only feel normal, secure, accepted, and loved when I let myself be free to be who God created me to be. I didn't create me, God did. I forget that a lot. I think I can create my own happiness, which is so far from the truth, but it's what the world is telling us at every turn. Once I acknowledge that God created me, the next step is truely believing in my heart that the only way I can feel normal is if I let myself experience God's love at such a depth that I can be comfortable with who I am. The me God created me to be.

Maybe it sounds cheesey, or really basic, but that's where I am right now. And really, if everyone was normal what fun would that be? It's the quirks that I love and remember in those I hold close to my heart.