small talk

I think the general topics of small talk change with every significant period in your life. I remember in high school when you met someone new or were talking to an adult, once you got past the initial introduction "Hi, my name is Andrea," the conversation immediately turned to what school you went to and then if you kept someone's attention you would move onto what activities you were involved in. If you were a senior in high school, the inevitable question was where are you going to school, and if you were lucky enough to know that, the person would usually insist on pushing the subject even further and asking what you were going to study, which for some high school seniors seems insignificant as long as they know where they're going.

Once you're of the age when people expect you to be in college, the beginning of the conversation is the same, state your name and where you go to school, and if you don't go to school you pass go and talk about your job. If you are in college you go through the same motions of stating where, followed by what you're studying and what you're interested in and if the person really wants to probe they ask what your plans are when you graduate. Sometimes this is met by a deer-in-the-headlights look, and the said interogator realizes the said college student has given no thought to a time when their primary occupation no longer is student. This question seems especially cruel when posed to seniors who are quickly approaching graduation and if they haven't made plans for grad school are approaching the real world faster than they're comfortable with.

I have now graduated to adult small talk. Sometimes I am still pegged a student, which makes me miss the easier small talk consisting of school, major and interests. I find that it's harder to talk about your job. What are you supposed to say when someone tells you they are a bio chemical computer engineer? They lost my attention (and understanding) after bio, but i'm expected to still ask questions and figure out what it is they do. And then it's my turn to try to describe what I do. I don't want to bore the person, so I can give the pat answer, I write and edit stories for a remodeling magazine, which doesn't really say anything, but it's small talk. No one really cares, right?

I don't mean to be cynical. I am just realizing how hard it is to meet people sometimes. You have to get beneath all the layers of small talk before you even start to know who someone really is. And that's not always easy. But I'm headed to a wedding this weekend, and I'm sure I'll be asked more than once what my job is and what I do, and I'll ask the same questions, but maybe I'll stick around long enough to learn more about someone than where they go to school or what they do for a living. I don't want to be defined by my job, so why should I think anyone else does?