what i'm thinking these days

Thanks to everyone for your kind words and prayers since my unfortunate news Thursday that Country Home magazine was closed and the entire staff was let go. I'm definitely still processing the whole thing, but here are some of my initial thoughts:

I honestly don’t know what the next step is. Working for home magazines was never my dream, but as I was going through the boxes of magazines I brought home from work I realize that it’s what I know. Not that I can’t learn something new, but they are so familiar to me. I know how to source product and write clever captions and tell readers what’s great about a washing machine. I read a press release and think of how it could fit in the magazine. Everything goes back to the reader, right? It’s how I’m programmed. Surely someone needs these skills. I don’t want to lose them. I live and breathe magazines (just look at the stacks in our second bedroom).

In the last year at Country Home I learned so much. I learned about fabric and furniture and how to pitch a story. We were all finally figuring out the system and now it’s over. There were things I loved like getting packages and in the mail and flipping through catalogs and magazines because it was research and reading design blogs and finding that unexpected product that made the story something special. I get sad when I think of the stories that I was working on for upcoming issues that won’t see the light of day. We were going to photograph Prairie Style on Tuesday and I even brought in my copies of Little House on the Prairie for inspiration. I always had something random sitting in my office whether it was fabric or wallpaper or a blender and I loved it when people would stop by to see what new treasure I had. My workspace was always a mess. Papers, folders, piles everywhere so that no work surface was visible, but I loved it. I had layers of inspiration pinned to the walls and post its and to-do lists usually found their way to the top of the pile.

When all is said and done I really liked getting ready every morning, making my lunch and my to-go mug of coffee and going to sit in a cubicle all day. It’s sad, but that was part of my identity. I found at least some of my worth in my job and now it’s over. I know a new adventure waits around the corner, that God has something planned that is far better than anything I could imagine, but I can't see it yet and I like to know what's coming up. I'll keep you posted...