reason #76 to love Des Moines

Today over my lunch break I walked to the new downtown library in Des Moines. It was a sunny beautiful day, despite a little construction noise in the background (not too much has changed here). I have always loved libraries. There is something so satisfying about walking into a building full of books that you can borrow for free. And now that the new library is within easy striking distance I am finding more and more excuses to go browse the stacks when I feel the need to get away for a while. So next time I'm feeling unsatisfied about where I am at the moment, I have to remind myself of these little joys, like walking to the library over lunch and eating my peanut butter sandwich outside on a bench watching kids splash in the water.

what's your love language

Adam and I are reading the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and going through it with some other young married couples. I had heard people talk about their love languages before (they are: Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service and Gifts), but I had never considered what mine was. After reading through the first few chapters and taking a quiz in the back of the book it is obvious that my love language is quality time. When I announced this to a close friend, she was like yeah, you are all about quality time.

It's not really a life-changing discovery, but I am definitely aware now of how important quality time, especially one on one time is for me in my relationships with others, not just Adam. I have always loved going for walks with my mom, because that was a chance for the two of us to talk. I love meeting girlfriends for coffee or having lunch dates during the week. Any intentional time that I spend with someone or someone spends with me fills up my "love tank"

Adam's love language is physical touch (It seems this might be true of all men). The book says it is natural for us to show love to others through our personal love language, but it's important to know what your spouse's (or friend's) love language is as well. I feel loved when someone spends time with me so I try to spend lots of quality time with Adam, but that won't necessary be love to him if he's looking for physical touch and visa versa. Just some interesting things to think about.

creative spirit

Sometimes I hit a creative rut and find myself wishing my job were less creative and more cut and dry, but then I find quotes like this and remember why I love what I do.

"The beautiful part of writing is that you don't have to get it right
the first time, unlike, say, a brain surgeon." - Robert Cormier,
novelist.

east of eden

I am reading John Steinbeck's epic East of Eden. I wanted to feel like I was in an English class again, so if anyone wants to discuss the themes with me and contemplate the Biblical references I'd love it. Here's a quote to ponder. The story takes place in the early 1900s and this quote is from a servant:

"I don't know where being a servant came into disrepute. it is the refuge of a philosopher, the food of the lazy, and, properly carried out, it is a position of power, even of love. I can't understand why more intelligent people don't take it as a career-learn to do it well and reap its benefits. A good servant has absolute security, not because of his master's kindness, but because of habit and indolence. It's a hard thing for a man to change spices or lay out his own socks. He'll keep a bad servant rather than change. But a good servant, and I am an excellent one, can completely control his master, tell him what to think, now to act, whom to marry, when to divorce, reduce him to terror as a discipline, or distribute happiness to him, and finally be mentioned in his will...My master will defend me, protect me. You have to work and worry, I work less and worry less."

I have no experience living with or working with "servants" I guess there are maintenance people at work who clean, deliver mail and take out the trash, but it's not quite the same as what people were used to 100 years ago.

food for thought.

magazine days

I guess every day in my life has magazines in it in some shape or form, whether I'm at work (where I'm a magazine editor), browsing the headlines in the check out lanes or reading one of the 5 magazines I currently subscribe to. But for me, one of my favorite magazine days is when I get home from work, check the mail, and find a new issue waiting for me.

Today I was greated by the July issue of Esquire. Don't be deterred by its target male audience. This magazine has some of the best writing out there and for that reason I look forward to each new issue, even if I have to settle for some less than flattering covers. Even though I already have the magazine in my possession, I can't help but read the coverlines and wonder which ones do they think will get people to pick it up off the newsstand.

Then, depending on the magazine, I flip through to find my favorite columns or stories. I always read the editors letter (does anyone else do this? or is it just me, the magazine geek) Then I check out the contributors page (again, I think I'm the only one who does this, although my co-worker Sam claims to enjoy this page as well, we just can't seem to sell our editor on its merit) Then I usually flip to the back page to see what clever thing is there, check out a few departments and then settle in to read the features. This month in Esquire I'm looking forward to the American Taliban story.

And when I finish it, I'll add it to the pile and wait for next month's.

love song

Some one shared this song by Joy Williams at a Bible study recently and I was struck by the lyrics and how true they are, especially during the first year of marriage

I'm In Love With You
I've been waiting all my life for this morning
Just to wake up next to you holding me
And your head is resting gently on my shoulder
Like you're whispering to me

I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
So glad I found you
I'm in love with you

When we're leaving dreams and rolling back the covers
All at once we're getting ready for the day
It's when you look at me in the mirror while you're shaving
before I go on my way, you say

I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
You're the one I choose
'Cause I'm in love

Love is joy and love is pain
It's kissing in the rain
It's doing dishes when it's late
Isn't it, baby
It's the act of compromise
It's helloes and long good-byes
It's the picture of our lives
Isn't it crazy

So I'll call you when I get where I'm going
And I'll let everyone we know you said hello
And without fail they'll ask me if I miss you
Of course I do, yo know I do

'Cause I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
You're the one I choose
I'm in love
I'm in love with you
I love you just the same as I did the day
I fell in love with you

small talk

I think the general topics of small talk change with every significant period in your life. I remember in high school when you met someone new or were talking to an adult, once you got past the initial introduction "Hi, my name is Andrea," the conversation immediately turned to what school you went to and then if you kept someone's attention you would move onto what activities you were involved in. If you were a senior in high school, the inevitable question was where are you going to school, and if you were lucky enough to know that, the person would usually insist on pushing the subject even further and asking what you were going to study, which for some high school seniors seems insignificant as long as they know where they're going.

Once you're of the age when people expect you to be in college, the beginning of the conversation is the same, state your name and where you go to school, and if you don't go to school you pass go and talk about your job. If you are in college you go through the same motions of stating where, followed by what you're studying and what you're interested in and if the person really wants to probe they ask what your plans are when you graduate. Sometimes this is met by a deer-in-the-headlights look, and the said interogator realizes the said college student has given no thought to a time when their primary occupation no longer is student. This question seems especially cruel when posed to seniors who are quickly approaching graduation and if they haven't made plans for grad school are approaching the real world faster than they're comfortable with.

I have now graduated to adult small talk. Sometimes I am still pegged a student, which makes me miss the easier small talk consisting of school, major and interests. I find that it's harder to talk about your job. What are you supposed to say when someone tells you they are a bio chemical computer engineer? They lost my attention (and understanding) after bio, but i'm expected to still ask questions and figure out what it is they do. And then it's my turn to try to describe what I do. I don't want to bore the person, so I can give the pat answer, I write and edit stories for a remodeling magazine, which doesn't really say anything, but it's small talk. No one really cares, right?

I don't mean to be cynical. I am just realizing how hard it is to meet people sometimes. You have to get beneath all the layers of small talk before you even start to know who someone really is. And that's not always easy. But I'm headed to a wedding this weekend, and I'm sure I'll be asked more than once what my job is and what I do, and I'll ask the same questions, but maybe I'll stick around long enough to learn more about someone than where they go to school or what they do for a living. I don't want to be defined by my job, so why should I think anyone else does?

summer

It's graduation time. Summer time. Time to be done with school. I'm still programmed to anticipate the end of May. The time when whatever you've been doing for the last nine months, some great and some unbearable comes to an end and you have 3 months of freedom, adventure, a change of pace before starting it all over again. But I'm not doing that this year. I will just keep working 40 hours a week at my job, looking out the window at the hot, sunny days and hoping it stays that way for the weekend when I have a chance to enjoy it. I realized this week, that this is my first real summer as an adult. Looking back over the last 4 summers they all involved something new and exciting. Last year at this time I was moving in with Laura for my last summer as a single girl, living it up in Des Moines with my closest friends, planning a wedding and only working 25 hours a week. The year before I packed up and headed east to Pennsylvania for an internship and enjoyed complete freedom. Before that I spent my first summer in Des Moines, living with Becca in our first apartment, working and taking a class. And every summer before that, for as long as I can remember summer meant sleeping in, working, laying out, drinking kool-aid, reading summer romance novels on the beach, and most importantly NO SCHOOL. Well, I have the no school thing taken care of, but with that comes responsibility, and a job that is the same one I've been doing for nine months and will still be the same one I have when the summer's over.

It's not that I'm not looking forward to this summer. Technically this is something new too, on change, no big move, no major transition. I guess that's part of being an adult. And I know there are still plenty of crazy things to discover, but I have to atleast pretend to be responsible and keep doing the same thing during the week, even though it seems like the natural time to take off and do something new.

family time

Adam and I were in Cedar Rapids this weekend for Mother's Day. It seems like I haven't been with my mom on Mother's Day since I started college. Somehow that weekend always coincided with graduation and moving, so it was great to spend time with her and the family.

Most of Saturday, Adam was with his family and friends and I was home with my family. I realized how long it's been since the five of us have been a family without Adam around. Not that he's not totally welcome and part of the family now that we're married, but I had this realization that when I'm home with Adam, I feel more grown up. With him I'm a wife, still a sister and daughter, but primarily a wife. When he wasn't there I so easily reverted back to being a daughter. Goofing off with Karen and Kyle, arguing about silly little things, having my mom fix me lunch. And sitting down for dinner with my immediate family felt so comfortable and natural even though in the back of my mind there was the sense that Adam was missing and that by him not being there I wasn't quite complete. While my immediate will always be there and the ones I love and care about unconditionally, I left them the cleave to Adam, my husband. We are now our own family unit. Not completely separate from our parents, we will always be a part of those families, but now we are something more. Even though we've been married for 9 months now, I feel like I'm still only just realizing how much my life has changed and that I can't avoid being a grown up.

a touch of dutch

tulip time

You can't go wrong with 32,000 tulips, dutch letters and a lighted parade. It's Pella in Spring :)

umbrella weather

The Drake Stadium got a facelift this year, of course the track is still blue. Even though it was raining we still showed our school spirit (at least long enough to take a picture)

girlfriends

Some things never change, no matter how many miles apart we are. When we get together we always end up chatting on someone's bed. Thanks for coming back for Relays Lynn and Laura :)

home improvements

Adam and I have been unpacking and hanging a few pictures for the last few weeks, but today we did our first real "permanent" improvments, as Adam calls them (I say we just put really big holes in the wall that we won't be exposing when we move). We hung a shower curtain and a set of shelves in the bathroom. Basically I had fun watching Adam play with his new drill and tried to find the the right bits for him. In the end, I think we were successful. Hopefully by next weekend we'll have a couch and finally start having people over.

for the love of a couch

While I love the bed Adam and I share there is a statute of limitations for the amount of time you spend sitting, lounging, sleeping on it. We have been without a couch for a MONTH. Think back in your lives to March, then think of the hours you have spent on your couch. Maybe you're even sitting on it right now. The Chinese may like sitting on the floor, but I'm all for the cushiony, comfiness of a couch. At the moment i have boycotted the bedroom and am sitting on what Adam calls my "imaginary" couch in the living room. For the first week it was kind of fun to camp out in the living room with blankets and pillows to watch a movie or read. After the second week, when we thought we were getting the couch, but it was delivered and was the wrong color, sitting on the floor lost its appeal. I even allowed Adam to move the TV into the bedroom, something I always said we would never do, just so we would have someplace to sit while watching LOST.

We got the news today that the couch will finally be delivered Wednesday. We may never leave the living room after that. I was commenting to a friend that even though we now own our own place, I feel that in some ways I have reverted back to the life of a college student with my bed multitasking as a couch/bed/clothes horse. All I want to do is be able to enjoy my living room. Is that too much to ask? For now, I'll get as comfortable as I can on the floor and continue to mentally arrange the furniture.

Life after 5

My days consist of 8 hours at work that are split up by a lunch hour. Sometimes I feel like those 40 hours are endless, but I sure do enjoy the next 6 hours or so I have to do what I please when I get home from work. Then I go to bed and start the cylce all over again. I was realizing how different this is from when I was a student. Then I had commitments and responsibilities at all hours. Any time I spent in the apartment was rushing to the next activity. If you caught me at home I was usually checking my voicemail, grabbing something to eat and preparing something for class all at once. Now when I get home from work I have to remind myself that I don't have to immediately start making dinner (though that's probably what Adam would like me to do). I can actually sit down for a minute, relax, flip through a magazine, and then enjoy a leisurely dinner when I feel like it. By then it's usually 7, and then the reality hits that I still have 4 hours to do whatever. There really is something to be said for life after work.

beach feet

SPRING

OK, so I live in Iowa and one of the prerequisites to living here is talking about the weather. We can get away with it though because it's always changing. One week it's rainy and stormy and cold and then BAM it's SPRING and 80 degrees. Everyone is outside at lunch, walking, smiling, soaking up the sun (because we know it could be gone as quickly as it came) I am always amazed at how happy nice weather makes me. I'm sure in a month or two, a beautiful day like today won't phase me, and it's not like I haven't lived through 23 other springs in Iowa, but every year it's the same joy and amazement at how nice it is to be able to be outside, and open the windows and wear sandals.

failure to communicate

For 4 years Adam and I had a long distance relationship. This forced us to become adept at long phone conversations, e-mails, letters and phone messages. Now we've lived in the same city for a year (definitely a good idea if you're getting married) Our jobs have taken each of us out of town occassionally and I'm always amazed at how quickly we have forgotten how to to have a relationship over the phone. Just this last week I was gone only 3 days, but in that time we barely talked. This was partly because I was busy and worn out when I wasn't working, but it was also because we have forgotten how to read each other from a distance. I was quick to jump to the assumption that since he wasn't calling me that he didn't miss me, and he didn't realize how much I wanted to know that he was still thinking about me even if we weren't seeing each other. Talking on the phone is hard, it takes patience and sacrifice. By the time we finally reached each other one night I was snuggled in bed ready to sleep, not ready to rehash my day, even though that was all I wanted to do when it was convenient for me. Even though I'm glad we had a long distance relationship at one time, now being apart makes me appreciate that we can be together most of the time.

spring showers

It feels like it's been raining for a week. Twice in the last 3 days tornado sirens have gone off. Adam and I live on the second floor of our building and rather than head to the underground parking garage we usually just look out the window to see how hard it's raining. We figure a tornado won't get very far in downtown des moines.

The sound of raindrops dripping off the roof and sliding slowly down the windows is soothing, even though at this point I long to see the sun and watch the little green buds form on the tips of the branches. Maybe when I get back to Iowa at the end of the week spring will have sprung here.