Christmas with the Cooleys

Adam and I put up the tree this weekend. I was like a kid in a toy store discovering all the things I forgot we had. I think my favorite is the nativity scene.




And you can't get in the Christmas spirit without a big dose of sugar! I had some friends over and we made and army of gingerbread cookies and sugar cookies. Yum!

thanksgiving weekend

Adam and I had a busy weekend traveling to see family in Missouri, Illinois and Eastern Iowa. 700 miles later we're home and have eaten as much pie and turkey as possible. Friday was Adam's birthday, but since we knew we'd be out of town we started celebrating Tuesday night in the spirit of a birthday "week"



Thanksgiving day we were in rural Missouri visiting all of my mom's family. I remain a city girl at heart, but with sunsets like this (and close to 70 degrees in November) I'll take an occasional day in the country.





I love hanging out with Karen. She plays skipbo with me to my heart's content and watches endless episodes of Gilmore Girls, who could ask for anything else?

i love books

I was in a local bookstore recently, one of those small corner bookstores, with comfy couches, a coffee pot in the corner and the owner walking around talking to customers, kind of like the bookstore Meg Ryan owned in You've Got Mail. Anyway, this quote was painted on the wall and I had to copy it down I liked it so much:
"Just the knowledge that a good book is awaiting one at the end of a long day makes that day happier."
Kathleen Norris

hula dancers

Adam and I went to a Halloween party last weekend dressed in souveniers from our honeymoon in Kauai. I am convinced that adults enjoy this celebration more than kids. We don't even need the incentive of candy to dress up and do crazy things. It just seems we want an excuse to be someone other than ourselves for a night.

caffeine free

I haven't had coffee since Friday morning. This wasn't really a deliberate choice, I just wanted to see if I could get by without it. I do get a little tired and crabby mid morning, and I'm definitely not considering giving up my favorite reason for getting out of bed in the morning during the week, but I thought I'd try it for a weekend. I haven't been completely caffeine free though. Adam tries to not drink soda during the week but on the weekends he will drink it, so I've swiped a few swigs of his carbonated beverages this weekend to tide me over. It's definitely not the same as coffee though. That goes straight to my veins and perks me up anytime. And I keep reading that it has some kind of cancer fighting powers, so it can't be all bad, right?

there's something about this time of year, when it's just starting to get cold out that makes me want coffee or something warm to drink all the time. In the last week I probably stopped and bought coffee sometime during the day 3 times. Usually I'm really good about making my coffee at home, loading it up with my favorite flavored creamer and filling up my travel mug. I feel like that justifies my coffee intake because it's cheaper than $3 a cup. I can't believe how much people are willing to fork over for a good latte. I mean i like that professionally frothed milk as much as the next person, but for $3 a day I would much rather go shoe shopping :)

the bridges of madison county

I still haven't figured out why there are covered bridges in the heart of Iowa, or anywhere for that matter, but I decided no matter the reason, they are romantic. It was the annual covered bridge festival this weekend so Adam and I went to check out the excitement with our friends Kelsey and Ben. We decided that Winterset is one of those hidden gems in Iowa. We wandered around the city square eating candy apples, pulled pork sandwiches and hot apple cider, listening to local quartets serenade the sunny autumn afternoon. We even sat down for a slice of apple pie ala mode at the cafe Clint Eastwood and Meryl Streep made famous in the movie, Bridges of Madison County. I can't imagine a better way to spend an afternoon. All through college my roommate Lynn raved about this festival and somehow I never made it with her, but now I understand her enchantment with it all. I'm sure there are festivals like this across the country. And even though I will always be a city girl at heart, I can still appreciate a little small town fun.



(and for those of you wondering about my new hair color, this is it, what do you think?)

Freedom

What is freedom?
maybe you can't understand it until it's taken away
we talk about freedom to choose
freedom to vote
freedom of speech
freedom of religion
but none of these freedoms mean anything if you don't practice them, appreciate them, value them

Freedom to drive a car
Freedom to have children
Freedom to walk in the sunshine

Do I even know the freedoms I have?
Freedom is intangible
you can't put a price tag on it,
but then how do you get it?
Can you earn it? buy it? deserve it? find it?
Or is it illusive like a shooting star, impossible to grasp, priceless.

Some freedom is inherent
it's a choice—to love, to believe,
Some freedom is personal
Some is political

We have no control over it,
or do we?
Someone has control over it, but who?
What freedom do you have?

apple picking

Adam and I found an apple orchard north of Des Moines and had a great time picking apples and going on a hayrack ride. Now we have more apples than we know what to do with. I'll be making apple pie, apple bread, apple crisp, apple muffins...for weeks.

I believe

I believe in second chances, mercy, and forgiveness.
I believe in true love and high school sweethearts.
I believe in hard work.
I believe in sunrises and sunsets—new beginnings every morning and a quiet end to an otherwise crazy day.
I believe in God—the one who created everything, but still has time to love me.
I believe in the power of family to carry you through any situation.
I believe in good wine, dark chocolate, and coffee.
I believe in loving your neighbor, turning the other cheek, and listening before jumping to conclusions.
I believe in myself.
I believe in freedom—freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom to education, and freedom to live in peace.
I believe I am entitled to my own opinion, that I can make my own choices, but once those choices are made, I am responsible for the consequences.
I believe you get out of life what you put into it.
I believe in angels and things unseen.
I believe in the power of prayer and miracles and dreams.
I believe in heaven and peace on earth, not just at Christmas time.
I believe in random acts of kindness and true beauty.
I believe.
I believe.

little joys

when all is said and done it's usually the little things that make my day. Like:
how easy it is to buy a cd on itunes. Talk about instant gratification. My most recent puchase is Toby Lightman's new release.
lunch dates with my husband
the satisfaction of a good workout after a full day of work
new magazines in the mail. i just got the new Radiant and can't wait to dig into it.
long phone calls with far away friends

what makes your day?

monarch butterflies, buckeyes, and candy corn

These are the signs of fall in iowa.
Monarch butterflies do some kind of migrating in at the end of the summer. I had a professor at Drake who was a little obsessed with monarchs. In one of his classes he would periodically let us go find a place outside to just sit and wait to see butterflies, i miss those days. So now every time i see a butterfly, especially in Sept I can't help but smile.

Buckeyes are those quirky little nutty things that seem to magically fall out of the trees right before the leaves start to turn. Adam and I were on a walk yesterday afternoon and I spotted one of the casings they come in. Before he could stop me I was filling the pouch of my sweatshirt with the notty little eyes. i think they will make a wonderful centerpiece.

And candy corn. I guess it's been out in stores for awhile, but I bought a bag yesterday. There's something about the sickeningly sweet kernels that only taste good for about a month. My roommates and i used to go through bags of them in Sept and Oct gorging ourselves on the sweet and salty combination of candy and peanuts.

happy fall

so true

There's no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard
And no song that I could sing but I can try for your heart
And our dreams and they are made out of real things
Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia-toned loving
Love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here? And where do we go? And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together

It's always better when we're together
We'll look at the stars when we're together
It's always better when we're together
It's always better when we're together

Jack Johnson, Better Together

I've always loved Jack (yes, we're on a first name basis) but I usually don't think about the words even though I seem to know them all. But when I saw them typed out they were so real. I ask myself all those questions, as I'm sure most young adults do. Someone told me the other day that our parents must still be keeping secrets from us. There must be some trick to growing up that I just haven't mastered yet, right?

all dressed up in front of Laura's adorable apartment


you have to go shoe shopping when you're in LA :)


it's so sunny in LA they give you umbrellas to block the sun. aren't we cute?


lunch in malibu. how gorgeous

LA Delight

I spent a long weekend in LA visiting who else but Laura Jean. I was out there last September visiting for her first birthday away from Iowa, but this trip was longer and we just got to be girls. I have been telling people about the trip and a lot of people are surprised that Adam didn't go with me (he went to Indianapolis with his dad for some drag races). I tell them that I LOVE the fact that we are married but can still do our own thing when needed. And this weekend proved that I as much as I enjoy being a wife (yes, i am now OK with using the "w" word) I will always be a girlfriend at heart :)

responsibility

when i lived at home i was responsible to keep my room fairly clean and my stuff (interpretted books, bags, shoes, clothes, etc) if not out of sight atleast in an orderly pile. but dishes, vacuuming, cleaning the bathrooms and laundry were taken care of by my mom. they just happened without me realizing it.
Then i get to college, living in the dorms. While i now had to do my own laundry, the bathrooms were cleaned daily and with meals in the cafeteria dirty dishes were wisked away to be cleaned for the next meal. and with no one to tell me to put things away (my roommate had just as much if not more "stuff" than I did) things started piling up until i either took notice or had time to care.
Then I moved into a house full of girls and while we now had to take care of dishes laundry and general cleaning ourselves, if the kitchen was messy or there were shoes, magazines, purses, keys, strewn all over the living room, even if the majority of the stuff was mine it was easy to write off the mess as a joint mess.
now that it's just Adam and I living in a place it's not so easy to walk through the kitchen and see a stack of dishes in the sink or a pile of shoes by the door. I know that if I don't do something about it the said mess will probably still be looking at me tomorrow. This is not to say that Adam doesn't do his fair share of picking things up, but i know that generally half if not more of the mess is most likely mine and if i don't take care of it no one else is going to be picking up behind me. just one more of those realizations that my mom could have tried to tell me but that i couldn't have understood until now.

lakeside perfection

really, does it get any better than this?
Arnold's Park
Lake Okoboji, Iowa

sunset

the end of another day on vacation

the schmidt's

Sisters

Karen (my little sis) is 16. I had so much fun reliving teenage memories with her this week.

vacation

Adam and I spent our one year anniversary and first significant vacation as a married couple at Lake Okoboji this past week. Most of our time was spent in a cabin with my family at my childhood vacation spot. I loved every minute of being on the lake and it was so fun to see Adam fitting in so seamlessly.

I am a water girl at heart, so the sailing, skiing, swimming, jet-skiing, boating, floating, and walking by the water were the perfect vacation.

A lot of people have asked Adam and I how the first year of marriage was and the question is usually followed with the statement: the first year's the hardest. I can honestly say that we had a great year. Admitedly it was a hard year, but not so much because it was our first year of marriage, but because my whole identity seemed to change. I don't think I could have made it through the year without Adam sitting there next to me, holding my hand, and encouraging me with his unconditional love and acceptance of who I am even when I didn't even know who that was.

down time

I know that everyone needs some time to themselves, but I tend to surround myself with people and love being with people I love that when I have a day or an evening to myself I almost get anxious being with myself. I enjoy the time to reflect and do my own thing for an hour or two, but then I start to get a little stir crazy. In the end I know I should just enjoy this time, but part of me feels like I should be doing something (like right now I should be cleaning the bathroom) and then I start feeling guilty for just sitting around. So here's to a quiet night.

summer trips

the happy couple in Chicago

the BEAN! (notice the bride in the background)

Even in the middle of the city nature exists

It's been awhile, but that's because Adam and I have been traveling. Here's some pics from our most recent adventures. We both highly recommend Millenium Park in Chicago and if you're in northwest Iowa, you have to check out our favorite, Lake Okoboji.

our greatest fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are made to make and manifest the glory of God. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Marianne Williamson, from her book A Return to Love

going to prison

on tuesday nights i go to prison
before you start jumping to conclusions, let me explain
when i was a student at Drake i took a community writing class in which the class spent a semester going to a nearby women's prison and writing with the inmates. it was an experience that led me to writing a 20+ page capstone paper and doing further research on the topics of both community writing and the purpose of prison in general.
now, two years later i find myself sitting in the same prison, writing with a new group of women. i am compelled by the words they share with us, the stories they reveal, and the truths i may never know. in that classroom it doesn't matter that they are prisoners and i am free. that i have air conditioning and they don't, that i can come and go as i please and their every move is monitored. we are united by our writing and for an hour and a half each week the words that spill from our pens and fill the yellow legal pads in front of us are all that matter.

look into my eyes

My eyes
Chocolate brown
deep and round
my eyes
reveal my thoughts
express my feelings without my permission
look into my eyes
dark brown
almost black
orbs into my very soul
what do you see?
what do they see?
my eyes
do they hold you in a trance
mesmerizing, silencing
perceptive, compassionate
my eyes
full of life, feeling, love, questions
knowledge, hurt, understanding, laughter
my eyes

what i save

i save words—cards, books, magazines, e-mails, hand-written notes and newspaper clippings. words are my life. i have always been a social person. i don't have any problem chatting with friends for hours on end and at the end of the day, when i'm alone or missing them dearly those moments and those words are what i cling to. savored times in my days when my guard is down and anything goes. it doesn't matter if i've thought about what i'm going to say to make sure it won't offend anybody, i just say it.

words on paper are especially significant to me, whether they are words i have typed on the fly or carefully printed on a favorite piece of stationary. they are how i express myself best. i love it when i have time to organize my thoughts on paper and free my mind. i don't worry about saying the right thing when i'm writing. i am confident in my words. i don't feel rushed when i am writing. my words don't jumble together as they fall from my fingers or get stuck on my tongue, stumbling and stammering about. those who know me best know that some of our most heartfelt conversations may be spoken in silence on paper before the words are ever breathed aloud.

"A car is made to run on gasoline, and it would not run properly on anything else. Now God designed the human machine to run on Himself. He Himself is teh fuel our spirits were designed to burn, or teh food our spirits were designed to feed on. There is no other."

--C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

How often do I try to find happiness, fullfillment, and satisfaction in things of this world when all I need to do to be complete is passionately pursue Christ?

Fireworks!

Honestly, who doesn't love fireworks? I will admit that I may verge on the side of being a little obsessed with them, but my theory is you have to get excited about things to keep things interesting. I really don't think I used to get this excited about fireworks (and you can't forget sparklers) when I was a kid. But they have become a highlight of my summers. And when you live in Des Moines it seems like someone finds an excuse for a fireworks show almost every weekend. So, for the next 3 days, I have all the fireworks in a 30 mile radius mapped out (I'm only half kidding) if anyone wants to find me, just follow the big booms and head to where the sky's lit up :)

Christian -- by Maya Angelou
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!

reason #76 to love Des Moines

Today over my lunch break I walked to the new downtown library in Des Moines. It was a sunny beautiful day, despite a little construction noise in the background (not too much has changed here). I have always loved libraries. There is something so satisfying about walking into a building full of books that you can borrow for free. And now that the new library is within easy striking distance I am finding more and more excuses to go browse the stacks when I feel the need to get away for a while. So next time I'm feeling unsatisfied about where I am at the moment, I have to remind myself of these little joys, like walking to the library over lunch and eating my peanut butter sandwich outside on a bench watching kids splash in the water.

what's your love language

Adam and I are reading the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and going through it with some other young married couples. I had heard people talk about their love languages before (they are: Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service and Gifts), but I had never considered what mine was. After reading through the first few chapters and taking a quiz in the back of the book it is obvious that my love language is quality time. When I announced this to a close friend, she was like yeah, you are all about quality time.

It's not really a life-changing discovery, but I am definitely aware now of how important quality time, especially one on one time is for me in my relationships with others, not just Adam. I have always loved going for walks with my mom, because that was a chance for the two of us to talk. I love meeting girlfriends for coffee or having lunch dates during the week. Any intentional time that I spend with someone or someone spends with me fills up my "love tank"

Adam's love language is physical touch (It seems this might be true of all men). The book says it is natural for us to show love to others through our personal love language, but it's important to know what your spouse's (or friend's) love language is as well. I feel loved when someone spends time with me so I try to spend lots of quality time with Adam, but that won't necessary be love to him if he's looking for physical touch and visa versa. Just some interesting things to think about.

creative spirit

Sometimes I hit a creative rut and find myself wishing my job were less creative and more cut and dry, but then I find quotes like this and remember why I love what I do.

"The beautiful part of writing is that you don't have to get it right
the first time, unlike, say, a brain surgeon." - Robert Cormier,
novelist.

east of eden

I am reading John Steinbeck's epic East of Eden. I wanted to feel like I was in an English class again, so if anyone wants to discuss the themes with me and contemplate the Biblical references I'd love it. Here's a quote to ponder. The story takes place in the early 1900s and this quote is from a servant:

"I don't know where being a servant came into disrepute. it is the refuge of a philosopher, the food of the lazy, and, properly carried out, it is a position of power, even of love. I can't understand why more intelligent people don't take it as a career-learn to do it well and reap its benefits. A good servant has absolute security, not because of his master's kindness, but because of habit and indolence. It's a hard thing for a man to change spices or lay out his own socks. He'll keep a bad servant rather than change. But a good servant, and I am an excellent one, can completely control his master, tell him what to think, now to act, whom to marry, when to divorce, reduce him to terror as a discipline, or distribute happiness to him, and finally be mentioned in his will...My master will defend me, protect me. You have to work and worry, I work less and worry less."

I have no experience living with or working with "servants" I guess there are maintenance people at work who clean, deliver mail and take out the trash, but it's not quite the same as what people were used to 100 years ago.

food for thought.

magazine days

I guess every day in my life has magazines in it in some shape or form, whether I'm at work (where I'm a magazine editor), browsing the headlines in the check out lanes or reading one of the 5 magazines I currently subscribe to. But for me, one of my favorite magazine days is when I get home from work, check the mail, and find a new issue waiting for me.

Today I was greated by the July issue of Esquire. Don't be deterred by its target male audience. This magazine has some of the best writing out there and for that reason I look forward to each new issue, even if I have to settle for some less than flattering covers. Even though I already have the magazine in my possession, I can't help but read the coverlines and wonder which ones do they think will get people to pick it up off the newsstand.

Then, depending on the magazine, I flip through to find my favorite columns or stories. I always read the editors letter (does anyone else do this? or is it just me, the magazine geek) Then I check out the contributors page (again, I think I'm the only one who does this, although my co-worker Sam claims to enjoy this page as well, we just can't seem to sell our editor on its merit) Then I usually flip to the back page to see what clever thing is there, check out a few departments and then settle in to read the features. This month in Esquire I'm looking forward to the American Taliban story.

And when I finish it, I'll add it to the pile and wait for next month's.

love song

Some one shared this song by Joy Williams at a Bible study recently and I was struck by the lyrics and how true they are, especially during the first year of marriage

I'm In Love With You
I've been waiting all my life for this morning
Just to wake up next to you holding me
And your head is resting gently on my shoulder
Like you're whispering to me

I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
So glad I found you
I'm in love with you

When we're leaving dreams and rolling back the covers
All at once we're getting ready for the day
It's when you look at me in the mirror while you're shaving
before I go on my way, you say

I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
You're the one I choose
'Cause I'm in love

Love is joy and love is pain
It's kissing in the rain
It's doing dishes when it's late
Isn't it, baby
It's the act of compromise
It's helloes and long good-byes
It's the picture of our lives
Isn't it crazy

So I'll call you when I get where I'm going
And I'll let everyone we know you said hello
And without fail they'll ask me if I miss you
Of course I do, yo know I do

'Cause I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
You're the one I choose
I'm in love
I'm in love with you
I love you just the same as I did the day
I fell in love with you

small talk

I think the general topics of small talk change with every significant period in your life. I remember in high school when you met someone new or were talking to an adult, once you got past the initial introduction "Hi, my name is Andrea," the conversation immediately turned to what school you went to and then if you kept someone's attention you would move onto what activities you were involved in. If you were a senior in high school, the inevitable question was where are you going to school, and if you were lucky enough to know that, the person would usually insist on pushing the subject even further and asking what you were going to study, which for some high school seniors seems insignificant as long as they know where they're going.

Once you're of the age when people expect you to be in college, the beginning of the conversation is the same, state your name and where you go to school, and if you don't go to school you pass go and talk about your job. If you are in college you go through the same motions of stating where, followed by what you're studying and what you're interested in and if the person really wants to probe they ask what your plans are when you graduate. Sometimes this is met by a deer-in-the-headlights look, and the said interogator realizes the said college student has given no thought to a time when their primary occupation no longer is student. This question seems especially cruel when posed to seniors who are quickly approaching graduation and if they haven't made plans for grad school are approaching the real world faster than they're comfortable with.

I have now graduated to adult small talk. Sometimes I am still pegged a student, which makes me miss the easier small talk consisting of school, major and interests. I find that it's harder to talk about your job. What are you supposed to say when someone tells you they are a bio chemical computer engineer? They lost my attention (and understanding) after bio, but i'm expected to still ask questions and figure out what it is they do. And then it's my turn to try to describe what I do. I don't want to bore the person, so I can give the pat answer, I write and edit stories for a remodeling magazine, which doesn't really say anything, but it's small talk. No one really cares, right?

I don't mean to be cynical. I am just realizing how hard it is to meet people sometimes. You have to get beneath all the layers of small talk before you even start to know who someone really is. And that's not always easy. But I'm headed to a wedding this weekend, and I'm sure I'll be asked more than once what my job is and what I do, and I'll ask the same questions, but maybe I'll stick around long enough to learn more about someone than where they go to school or what they do for a living. I don't want to be defined by my job, so why should I think anyone else does?

summer

It's graduation time. Summer time. Time to be done with school. I'm still programmed to anticipate the end of May. The time when whatever you've been doing for the last nine months, some great and some unbearable comes to an end and you have 3 months of freedom, adventure, a change of pace before starting it all over again. But I'm not doing that this year. I will just keep working 40 hours a week at my job, looking out the window at the hot, sunny days and hoping it stays that way for the weekend when I have a chance to enjoy it. I realized this week, that this is my first real summer as an adult. Looking back over the last 4 summers they all involved something new and exciting. Last year at this time I was moving in with Laura for my last summer as a single girl, living it up in Des Moines with my closest friends, planning a wedding and only working 25 hours a week. The year before I packed up and headed east to Pennsylvania for an internship and enjoyed complete freedom. Before that I spent my first summer in Des Moines, living with Becca in our first apartment, working and taking a class. And every summer before that, for as long as I can remember summer meant sleeping in, working, laying out, drinking kool-aid, reading summer romance novels on the beach, and most importantly NO SCHOOL. Well, I have the no school thing taken care of, but with that comes responsibility, and a job that is the same one I've been doing for nine months and will still be the same one I have when the summer's over.

It's not that I'm not looking forward to this summer. Technically this is something new too, on change, no big move, no major transition. I guess that's part of being an adult. And I know there are still plenty of crazy things to discover, but I have to atleast pretend to be responsible and keep doing the same thing during the week, even though it seems like the natural time to take off and do something new.

family time

Adam and I were in Cedar Rapids this weekend for Mother's Day. It seems like I haven't been with my mom on Mother's Day since I started college. Somehow that weekend always coincided with graduation and moving, so it was great to spend time with her and the family.

Most of Saturday, Adam was with his family and friends and I was home with my family. I realized how long it's been since the five of us have been a family without Adam around. Not that he's not totally welcome and part of the family now that we're married, but I had this realization that when I'm home with Adam, I feel more grown up. With him I'm a wife, still a sister and daughter, but primarily a wife. When he wasn't there I so easily reverted back to being a daughter. Goofing off with Karen and Kyle, arguing about silly little things, having my mom fix me lunch. And sitting down for dinner with my immediate family felt so comfortable and natural even though in the back of my mind there was the sense that Adam was missing and that by him not being there I wasn't quite complete. While my immediate will always be there and the ones I love and care about unconditionally, I left them the cleave to Adam, my husband. We are now our own family unit. Not completely separate from our parents, we will always be a part of those families, but now we are something more. Even though we've been married for 9 months now, I feel like I'm still only just realizing how much my life has changed and that I can't avoid being a grown up.

a touch of dutch

tulip time

You can't go wrong with 32,000 tulips, dutch letters and a lighted parade. It's Pella in Spring :)

umbrella weather

The Drake Stadium got a facelift this year, of course the track is still blue. Even though it was raining we still showed our school spirit (at least long enough to take a picture)

girlfriends

Some things never change, no matter how many miles apart we are. When we get together we always end up chatting on someone's bed. Thanks for coming back for Relays Lynn and Laura :)

home improvements

Adam and I have been unpacking and hanging a few pictures for the last few weeks, but today we did our first real "permanent" improvments, as Adam calls them (I say we just put really big holes in the wall that we won't be exposing when we move). We hung a shower curtain and a set of shelves in the bathroom. Basically I had fun watching Adam play with his new drill and tried to find the the right bits for him. In the end, I think we were successful. Hopefully by next weekend we'll have a couch and finally start having people over.

for the love of a couch

While I love the bed Adam and I share there is a statute of limitations for the amount of time you spend sitting, lounging, sleeping on it. We have been without a couch for a MONTH. Think back in your lives to March, then think of the hours you have spent on your couch. Maybe you're even sitting on it right now. The Chinese may like sitting on the floor, but I'm all for the cushiony, comfiness of a couch. At the moment i have boycotted the bedroom and am sitting on what Adam calls my "imaginary" couch in the living room. For the first week it was kind of fun to camp out in the living room with blankets and pillows to watch a movie or read. After the second week, when we thought we were getting the couch, but it was delivered and was the wrong color, sitting on the floor lost its appeal. I even allowed Adam to move the TV into the bedroom, something I always said we would never do, just so we would have someplace to sit while watching LOST.

We got the news today that the couch will finally be delivered Wednesday. We may never leave the living room after that. I was commenting to a friend that even though we now own our own place, I feel that in some ways I have reverted back to the life of a college student with my bed multitasking as a couch/bed/clothes horse. All I want to do is be able to enjoy my living room. Is that too much to ask? For now, I'll get as comfortable as I can on the floor and continue to mentally arrange the furniture.

Life after 5

My days consist of 8 hours at work that are split up by a lunch hour. Sometimes I feel like those 40 hours are endless, but I sure do enjoy the next 6 hours or so I have to do what I please when I get home from work. Then I go to bed and start the cylce all over again. I was realizing how different this is from when I was a student. Then I had commitments and responsibilities at all hours. Any time I spent in the apartment was rushing to the next activity. If you caught me at home I was usually checking my voicemail, grabbing something to eat and preparing something for class all at once. Now when I get home from work I have to remind myself that I don't have to immediately start making dinner (though that's probably what Adam would like me to do). I can actually sit down for a minute, relax, flip through a magazine, and then enjoy a leisurely dinner when I feel like it. By then it's usually 7, and then the reality hits that I still have 4 hours to do whatever. There really is something to be said for life after work.

beach feet

SPRING

OK, so I live in Iowa and one of the prerequisites to living here is talking about the weather. We can get away with it though because it's always changing. One week it's rainy and stormy and cold and then BAM it's SPRING and 80 degrees. Everyone is outside at lunch, walking, smiling, soaking up the sun (because we know it could be gone as quickly as it came) I am always amazed at how happy nice weather makes me. I'm sure in a month or two, a beautiful day like today won't phase me, and it's not like I haven't lived through 23 other springs in Iowa, but every year it's the same joy and amazement at how nice it is to be able to be outside, and open the windows and wear sandals.

failure to communicate

For 4 years Adam and I had a long distance relationship. This forced us to become adept at long phone conversations, e-mails, letters and phone messages. Now we've lived in the same city for a year (definitely a good idea if you're getting married) Our jobs have taken each of us out of town occassionally and I'm always amazed at how quickly we have forgotten how to to have a relationship over the phone. Just this last week I was gone only 3 days, but in that time we barely talked. This was partly because I was busy and worn out when I wasn't working, but it was also because we have forgotten how to read each other from a distance. I was quick to jump to the assumption that since he wasn't calling me that he didn't miss me, and he didn't realize how much I wanted to know that he was still thinking about me even if we weren't seeing each other. Talking on the phone is hard, it takes patience and sacrifice. By the time we finally reached each other one night I was snuggled in bed ready to sleep, not ready to rehash my day, even though that was all I wanted to do when it was convenient for me. Even though I'm glad we had a long distance relationship at one time, now being apart makes me appreciate that we can be together most of the time.

spring showers

It feels like it's been raining for a week. Twice in the last 3 days tornado sirens have gone off. Adam and I live on the second floor of our building and rather than head to the underground parking garage we usually just look out the window to see how hard it's raining. We figure a tornado won't get very far in downtown des moines.

The sound of raindrops dripping off the roof and sliding slowly down the windows is soothing, even though at this point I long to see the sun and watch the little green buds form on the tips of the branches. Maybe when I get back to Iowa at the end of the week spring will have sprung here.

all over the place

Do you ever feel like you are rushing and rushing trying to get things done but really not accomplishing anything? I've had that feeling for the last week. The move went well and we are settling into the life of homeownership, but now I'm busy getting ready for a business trip and trying to figure out what business casual really means for a 23 year old. I can do business professional, button up shirt, suit jacket, heels, but give me the freedom to be a little casual and I'm not quite sure what to do. I think the worst part is that I'm self-conscious about my age and once again taking myself too seriously. Where has my confidence gone? I want to be unashamed of my youth and ready to learn and ask questions.

Twenty-three

"Maybe 23 is the age people become disillusioned with life. Until 23, everything is preparation for a 'life' that's supposed to begin after college. But when you finally get to 23, you realize there really isn't life after college."

From Faith and the City

good-bye 22

I am saying good bye to 22 tonight. It was a good age, a good year, a formative year. My world and my identity changed on so many levels. But even though it was a great year, I'm ready to say good bye to 22. Will I feel older and more mature tomororw, more like the adult I pretend to be every day at work? Probably not. But now I won't feel quite so embarrassed when someone inevitably asks how old I am. I will proudly say 23, which is still young, because I'm not pretending to have it all figured out, but it sounds a heck of a lot older than 22, which as one of my fellow 22 year old friends described as an age that just screams fresh out of college.

It's kind of a big week for good byes. Adam and I are moving out of our first apartment together and taking the plunge into homeownership. As of Friday we will be the proud owners of a 2 bedroom condo in Des Moines. I have had more addresses than I can count in the last 4 years, none of them lasting more than 7 months. So it doesn't feel that abnormal to be packing things up again. But this time I won't be packing again in a few short months. What will that be like? I really don't know. There won't be a compelling reason to get rid of clothes I haven't worn in a year and I won't be emptying drawers, throwing away that eyeshadow I never used, the shoes I don't wear any more or the random crap I am so good at aquring at the Target One Spot.

My family also moved out of my childhood home this year, which meant there was another closet for me to empty, another set of dust bunnies to disrupt from under my bed and a collection of memories to relive. I cleaned out that room in November and filled a box with things I couldn't bear to part with but that my mom refused to let into the new house. And you know what? That box is still sitting in the trunk of my car. I haven't looked at, but I still can't throw it away. The picture frames with smiling faces from high school. The college mascot memorabilia, the yearbooks. Maybe I'll finally move the box into the new condo, where it can collct dust until we move again.

So I said good bye to my college apartment and my childhood home of 20 years without shedding a tear. So why is it that I feel most sentimental about this little apartment where Adam and I have only lived for 7 months? There are plenty of things to complain about, from the dryers never completely drying our clothes to the dishwasher not really cleaning anything. To the lack of a light over the dining room table, to the cold showers. But there are as many little idiosyncracies that I love about it. I love that we are on the 8th floor and have a balcony that overlooks the city. I love it that it feels like we live in a big city because we live in such a big building. I love the old retired people you encounter on the elevator who ignore the unspoken rule that people don't talk to eachother on the elevator and always ask how your day was or comment on the weather. I love it that it's so small that Adam and I can clean the whole thing in an hour. I love our huge walk-in closet that I managed to dominate even though Adam had a 5 month head start on me. I love it that it is and always will be our first home together. That we made our first real adult furniture purchase with this space in mind. I LOVE the neighborhood that it's in. Just south of Grand, which if you're familiar with Des Moines is the highly desireable country club-esque neighborhood. This is the place we had our first little dinner parties, put up our first christmas tree, argued as we hung the first pictures and burned our first dinners. I love the swimming pool, that I was able to take full advantage of when I wasn't working full time.

good bye 22. good bye #806.

lunch dates

Adam has been living in Des Moines for a year now, and we've been married for 7 months, but the fact that we can have lunch dates during the week is still a luxury. I hope it's something that I never take for granted. And the great thing about Des Moines is that we both work downtown, so I can go meet him in the skywalks and we can lose ourselves among the other professionals who are wandering around tryign to decided if they want Maid-Rite or Subway. Our lunch of choice is usually pizza from a little vendor in the corner of the food court. We each get 2 slices and a small drink for $7, you can't beat it. And seeing my husband in the middle of a stressful day is something I wouldn't trade for anything.

Every girl needs a guy who can tell her to stop worrying and relax. That's exactly what Adam does for me. Today I felt like I didn't know what I was doing at work, and he quietly reminded me that I do know what I'm doing and if I have questions I can't be afraid to ask. I still had a stressful, busy afternoon, but it was manageable.

CRASH

Adam and I saw Crash this weekend. (Academy Award Winner for best pictures) It was out in theaters in the spring but one of the theaters in Des Moines is showing a bunch of the academy nominated films. Anyway, we missed it the first time it was out. It was amazing. I don't know if it just hit me at a time when I was especially sensitive to its messages about race relations and family ties, but I highly recommend it. I thought it gave an excellent and acurrate portrayal of so many of the stereotypes and labels we have for people who seem different from us. but is also showed how important family is. From a daddy's desire to keep his little girl safe to children's commitment to their parents as they grow older. This is a movie I'll definitley want to see again.

The opening line sums up the whole movie. "It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.

Has anyone else seen it? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Green!

I don't think I have a drop of Irish blood in me, but that doesnt' mean I can't celebrate my friend's Irish roots. My mouth is still sore, so Adam got me a shamrock shake. I don't think I've had one since I was a kid, when they seemed so mysterious and special. Now the concept of adding mint flavoring to a vanilla shake isn't quite so novel, but it still tastes good, nad I don't have to chew it. :)

new life

Last year was a year of weddings for Adam and I. Aside from our own we celebrated with many of our friends who were married. And now it's time for them to start having babies. We are far from that ourselves, but it's so exciting to see Nate and Sarah bringing home little Sophia (check out pictures piecesofglass.blogger.com) and Dustin and Carly with their new son. We can't wait to get back to CR and see for ourselves how beautiful and precious these babies are.

signs of growing up

I was on a quest for a new pair of khakis for work this week. I went to my usual stores, Banana, Express, Limited, Gap. In one store, the salesperson asked if I was shopping for spring break. This made me feel both old and young. Old because I don't get one of those anymore and young because obviously I still look like someone who might be taking a spring break. As I stood in dressing room after dressing room, trying to be practical it hit me that I now view myself as a young professional (whatever that really means). I didn't want the pants to be too tight or too low. I wanted them to be comfortable. I even ended up getting a pair that is a little loose rather than squeezing into the smaller size. When I left the store, I coudln't help but think that my mom would be proud. After all her comments about things being too tight, too small, too low I was finally understanding. This is not to say that everything in my wardrobe is this practical. Far from it, I mean who can resist the clearance skirt that you know is too short, tight, whatever. Not me. But for work purposes I am finding that anything I can do to appear older than the 22 and fresh out of college that I am is a good thing. I need all the confidence I can get, and if a pair of khakis can help, great.

Check it off the list

Technically I haven't written out a list of things I want to do before I die, but it's in the back of my mind. Watch the sun set/rise over the Grand Canyon, take a gondola ride in Venice with Adam, go hiking in the Rocky Mountains, own a house, take a road trip along the California coast, get my wisdom teeth out. Wait, you say. Get your wisdom teeth out? It's not really something I aspired to do, but it seems like it's one of those things that just has to be done. So like it or not, I got to check something off my list today. In all fairness, I was already half way there, having had the top two taken out in college. But today, this morning to be exact, the bottom two we removed. I opted out of anethesia, and just took local anethestic. Right now, 10 hours later, I'm thankful for that decision, but about 20 minutes into it, when I could feel them tugging in my mouth I was having second thoughts. Thank God for iPods. I highly recommend them during any dental procedure.

So now my mouth is sore, but Adam assures me the swelling has gone down, and all I can eat is cold, soft foods. Unfortunately I'm craving something salty. Does anyone have any ideas? Becca thought of hummus, but I don't think I can bring myself to eating it plain, and Adam won't put the bag of dorritos in the blender. Tomorrow I should be able to move onto hot foods. Watch out tomato soup. I have my eye on you.

normal

Is it just me, or do we all have an innate desire to be normal? So much of what I do revolves around this false sense of security I find in my effort to become normal. I went to college, got married, got a job. All these things are fine and I'm not saying I would have it any other way, but underneath the surface of all these acts is a longing to just be normal. To fit in. To be accepted. Deep down, that is my desire. I think if I just wear the certain outfit, am seen with the right people, and go to the trendy places on the weekend, people will look at me and think, "yeah, she's got everything together. She's normal."

But really, what is normal? We all know that nobody has it together, no matter how great things look on the outside. There's no such thing as the perfect life. Suburbia is a joke. Those people with 1.5 kids, a dog and a white pickett fence probably have more problems than you and I, they're just better at hiding it. So that leaves the question, if there is no such thing as normal, what is it that we're striving for? And if it doesn't exist, what's the point?

This past weekend I was at a church retreat, and the speaker briefly touched on this desire we all have for normalcy, even if it is fleeting. He asked, when is the last time you felt normal? That struck a cord with me, but what he said next is what really hit home, and I think it's the definition of normal I've been seeking. I will only feel normal, secure, accepted, and loved when I let myself be free to be who God created me to be. I didn't create me, God did. I forget that a lot. I think I can create my own happiness, which is so far from the truth, but it's what the world is telling us at every turn. Once I acknowledge that God created me, the next step is truely believing in my heart that the only way I can feel normal is if I let myself experience God's love at such a depth that I can be comfortable with who I am. The me God created me to be.

Maybe it sounds cheesey, or really basic, but that's where I am right now. And really, if everyone was normal what fun would that be? It's the quirks that I love and remember in those I hold close to my heart.

the art of compromise

Adam and I have been couch shopping recently and we actually bought one today, but in Adam's words, there are quicker ways to suicide (I don't really think it was that bad). We have been furniture shopping before, and have successfully purchased end tables, a coffee table, dining room set and china hutch. But every time we go to the furniture store it's the same story. I go and want to look at everything, get an idea of what's available and what we can afford, and then come back in a day or two and if I still like the same things, then we can buy it. Adam on the other hand goes with the mentality that we know we want a couch, let's get it today. 45 minutes into our first couch-shopping expedition, Adam looked at me and said, "we aren't going to get a couch today, are we?"

I even read a magazine article about buying your first couch (Meredith really does have a magazine for everything). The article was great though. A couch is the prized location in a living room. It needs to function in many different ways. We eat on it, sleep on it, read on it, watch TV on it, and still expect it to look good. In the past, I never really chose my couch. It was either a roommate's, I found it in the trash (literally) or it was a hand-me-down from my parents. So now that I have the chance to pick out this intregal piece of furniture I don't take the decision lightly.

So, on our second trip to the furniture store we narrowed down our options and chose the couch. But the store was closing and we didn't have time to pick out fabric (yes we even got to choose that, amazing) so we went back today to finalize everything and get it ordered. I wish I had a picture of what it looked like. It's really hard to know how a whole couch will look when the fabric swatch you are working with is about 6 inches square. We ended up with a really dark brown, which is a lot bolder than I had anticipated, but I think it will be really nice. And then there are the pillows that you get to choose, and they have their own fabric too. (like I said, it took 3 trips)

And poor Adam. The one thing he wanted out of the deal, a leather recliner, he didn't get. It's going to take a few more trips to decide on that one. And did anyone know that chairs cost as much as couches???

And, for those of you who don't know, the reason we are couch shopping in the first place (aside from the fact that the floral couch from my parents isn't quite our style) is that we are moving into a condo at the end of March. So if anyone needs a couch and doesn't want to shop for it, we have a very comfortable one that needs a new home...

Changing of the guard

Well, this blog started this fall as something for me and some friends to use to keep tabs on each other, but it seems we prefer phone calls, visits, and e-mails. I am still hoping to take up this blogging thing for myself, so here I go. I guess it doesn't really matter to me so much who reads this, but I find the idea of putting my thoughts out there for others to respond to if they want intriguing. As a writer, I thrive on feedback. Maybe this will be the accountability I need to start writing again. Has anyone seen the ad for running shoes where the woman says, "the reason I run is because it's the only thing I do for myself." That's how writing is for me. It's something I do for myself, but as a journalist, it's also something I share with others.

Lovely ladies

cat naps

Anyone who spent any time in the Goodwin-Kirk dorm rooms at Drake knows how cozy the window seats could be. Especially on a sunny afternoon. How many times did I curl up there with every intention of studying only to be distracted by people watching or lulled to sleep by the warm sun. Well, where I work, there is a long row of windows with low ledges that are almost as inviting as the GK window seats. They are especially tempting on these winter days when I know it's frigid outside, but from the inside, the sun is warm and welcoming. Some days I long to curl up there in the sun like a care-free college student. Those were the days.